DESPITE ALL ODDS ( azula )

1 ⚡️ vi

"Look, Azula." Ursa said, guiding her young daughter to the deck of the ship. "It's Ember Island. We haven't been in a while, but you remember, right?"

Azula looked up at Ursa before fixing her gaze on the island in the distance. A salty breeze ruffled through her bangs as she thought about the last memory she had on Ember Island — the trip with Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee where they crashed some boy's party. Azula couldn't help but smirk. If there was any one memory she truly loved from her past life, it was that one. It was the closest she'd ever felt with her brother and her friends. For once they opened up to each other, for once they were on the same page. It was a trip she'd truly enjoyed form the bottom of her heart.

Ursa tried talking about some vague memory of her playing in the sand as a baby when her daughter didn't respond. Azula couldn't tell if it was petty of her to keep silent for so long. She didn't care for small talk, and nothing anyone said to her was more pressing than her desire to figure out how she was going to live this life.

Azula knew she was going to do what she wanted from now on. But what did she even want? Living hadn't really been doing it for her. She just wanted to be done with everything. She wanted to go back to the Spirit World and reincarnate the right way — she wanted to rid herself of every memory, be it dirty or the hope that kept her going til now.

But if she didn't do anything to fix her regrets, she had a feeling she'd be stuck in limbo again. No place as a human, no place as a spirit, only emotions she wanted to erase.

But there was no getting rid of her regrets without enduring pain. Azula was tired of pain and regret both. She just wished her parents care more about her than their own personal goals. That would solve everything. Wishful thinking at it's best. It was an idea so beyond reach that Azula didn't even want to attempt trying to mend things with her parents. Zuko... Zuko was another story. He would forgive her. She hadn't even done anything to him yet. Even now, she saw worry in his eyes as he flitted about her, chatting away about something or the other, keeping her company no matter how unresponsive she was. But just because Zuko was ready to forgive her didn't mean Azula was ready to forgive herself.

No matter how much her father played a part in shaping her personality, the truth of the matter was, Azula had hurt Zuko, betrayed him, over and over, throughout their short life together. There was no way she could just merrily go to him, pretending to be the sister he'd always wanted, when all she felt when she saw him was misery. It was even harder to see him so young and innocent. His face didn't yet bear the punishment for provoking their father.

"This is gonna be so fun." Zuko said excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet, "Lu Ten said he'd teach us a new game to play at the beach, since we're both firebenders now. Sandcastles are for babies. Right Azula?"

Azula stared at him before she turned around to leave. He was going to give her a headache with all his talking. He hadn't shut up for the whole trip, not even once. She knew he was worried for her, but she just wanted some time alone to think.

Ozai huffed, "Look at her." Azula heard him complaining to Ursa. "We're on this trip just for her and she wants nothing to do with it. I don't know who she's taking after."

Azula hid in the corridor, out of sight, to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"She's a child, Ozai." Ursa's voice was soft and patient as always, "She'll feel better after a change of pace. Maybe it was our fault for burdening her with responsibilities so young."

"She's a Princess." Ozai said darkly. "Not some silly peasant girl who can throw tantrums because she fell sick and wants to be babied."

"Ozai!" Ursa reprimanded him, "How could you say that—"