Intro

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My name is Avery. In a month I'll be turning 13. Life has honestly been weird. Ever since 7th grade had began, everything's changed, I fucking hate it. I feel as if I have already wasted all of my potential. I think It'd be appropriate if I'd begin my story talking about the main character in my life - my mother. At this point, I don't know if I love her or despise her. She has these moments in which it seems like she's an angel on earth, and those in which she makes me want to kill myself. She is the only actual parental figure that I have, my father is more, how i like to call it, a "financial orb". He isn't really present in my life. Only thing he's good at is paying child support, well, kinda. Every once in a while he fucks up even that. We haven't called in about 2 months, Last time i saw him was about half a year ago, and last time i texted him was this thursday because I needed him to pay for my new contact lenses. That thursday was weird. In the morning i had skipped the first period because I was too lazy to get out of bed in time and later thought it was useless to come into class 30 minutes late. During the second period, I attempted suicide. I had been planning on doing that for days. I just removed the shoelace from my converse and i hanged it on an air conditioner in the bathroom. Honestly, I don't even know if that counted as an attempt, I balanced myself on the toilet the second i heard a loud crack, I got scared that the air conditioner would break. When I left the restroom, my neck was all red, It really hurt. I felt some kind of pulsing. Nobody noticed anything because I made the smart decision of covering everything up with concealer immedeatly after. Later in the day, I had to call suicide hotline for the first time because I wanted to attempt a second time, but this time with medicine. It took an hour long call and a walk in the forest for me to change my mind. Something is wrong with me, but I don't know what it is.

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