The Sound of a Thousand Terrible Things Headed This Way

Prologue

"Do you hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way."

"If they find us, they will crush us, grind us into tiny pieces and blast us into oblivion!"

–Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi, to Naboo native, Jar Jar Binks

   This is the story of how I died.

   Just kidding. This is actually the story of how I got what I always wanted; a trip to a world, an entire universe, I had previously only had the privilege of experiencing through things such as books and television; movies, TV shows, and miniseries. It was the thing I'd actually prayed for, silly as it sounds.

   But allow me to introduce myself. My name is Samantha (not my real name). I am sixteen years old, and I have been a Type 1 Diabetic for close to three-and-a-half years now. I have been a competitive (it's important to differentiate from competitive and non-competitive) Irish Step Dancer for ten years. I am a Christian, I love music, and I'm a huge movie/book nerd (as I'm sure you've already guessed by the title, and the movie quotes I've already put into this story). But I won't reveal too much about myself, for privacy reasons.

   As someone who spends most of her time reading or watching movies, I've often wondered what it would be like if I suddenly became the next Alice in Wonderland (I've only seen the movies, and I've only just begun reading the first book), and but little did I know that I would suddenly find myself in The Clone Wars equivalent of the rabbit hole, and transported into the universe of the characters I love so much (so much so that I spend an unhealthy amount of time daydreaming about their different personalities, but I'm sure you've probably already concluded that, as well). My prayer(s) would be answered; my dream would become a reality. But, like Alice when she first arrives in Wonderland (referencing the live-action movie with Johnny Depp, not the cartoon or the book), I thought it was all just a dream. And although I'd like to say it only took the first near-death experience to convince me of the reality of the situation, it wouldn't be true. At all. But I guess that's what happens when someone's already had dreams including near-death (or actual death) experiences (I've also experienced weirdly acute pain in my dreams, and I'm something of a lucid dreamer, too–a phrase which here means I usually know I'm dreaming, and can even find a way to get out of it sometimes), so needless to say, it was a little harder for me to become fully convinced than it was for maybe even Alice.

   Blah, blah, blah, place names, backstory stuff...

   There it is. Another movie quote (from The Lego Movie, for those of you who don't know). Let's get to the actual story now, shall we? Also, another thing I think I should mention before you read any further, is that while my writing style might seem a bit formal, the dialogue isn't–most of the time, anyway. In all honesty, I'm a very casual, informal, and even clumsy person. So if it feels like you're reading a cheesy Wattpad book at any point (hopefully, with better grammar and spelling, at least), that's why.

   So I ask that you please prepare yourself for an extraordinary and borderline delirious book, chalk-full of cheesy puns, teenager attitude, violence typical for The Clone Wars and just Star Wars in general (it may or may not exceed that, seeing as most of this story stems from the Star Wars: Legends universe, but I'm not making any promises either way), and an exorbitant amount of movie quotes. I also think it's important to note that while I usually tried to be polite and respectful (and was much too frightened to do anything but be quiet most of the time), there is quite a bit of cursing, because if I didn't say, I thought it, and I want this account of my adventure to be as accurate and true-to-the-real-thing as possible. Bad language is something I struggle with, but I'm working on it, okay? And if you're not into any of that...just look away.

   Anyway, as they say in HISHE (How It Should Have Ended)....

ON WITH THE SHOW!