Between Worlds

Chapter 22

Malyn slept poorly and woke up with the sun. As he stretched and sat up, he found Tyla already awake, perched on his sleeping bag across the cold fire pit, knees drawn to his chest.

"Hey," Malyn said, his voice cautious as he studied Tyla, trying to gauge his state of mind.

The haunted look in Tyla's eyes told Malyn all he needed to know—whatever had clouded his mind last night was gone. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Malyn assured him, spreading his arms as if to demonstrate. "Are you okay?"

Tyla nodded. He looked close to tears. "I'm sorry."

Malyn gave a sharp shake of his head. "It's my fault. I should have realised you weren't yourself. I didn't even think."

"I didn't warn you. I didn't think it was this bad yet. It wouldn't be, normally, but..." He let out a shaky breath. "It's not supposed to go like this. We're meant to be together, and..." He shook his head, abandoning the thought.

"I get it. We're in unknown territory here. Maybe we can both forgive ourselves a little bit here. We know what to look out for now. We won't let it happen again."

"I wouldn't have hurt you," Tyla said in a small voice. "I know that... that could have. It would have hurt us both. I need you to know that there's no scenario where I wouldn't have stopped the moment you were uncomfortable or scared or... anything. It's not about sex. It's about you. I feel all mixed up, but that's clear and it's not going to change."

"I know," Malyn said. "I was never scared of you. I was scared for you. You feel the same way about hurting me, so you get it, right? You get how much that upsets me, even if you felt like it didn't matter."

"I—" Tyla hesitated, then nodded. "Thank you for stopping me. I wasn't thinking clearly. I haven't been for a while, I suppose, but until now it was just petty things like jealousy. Things I could suppress and control. If we were both in this together, we'd lose ourselves in one another in safer ways and satisfy the closeness it demands, and then it would be manageable. It doesn't appreciate me trying to shove my feelings down and ignore my desire."

"What will happen when I'm gone, then? Will you be okay?"

Tyla offered a helpless shrug and a sad smile. "It won't be pleasant, but I'll survive."

"I remember when I was sick. You took care of me even though I always get so fussy and dramatic about it. I keep thinking about how I want to be there to take care of you through this, but... I can't. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that this is it for us, forever."

"I'm trying not to think about it. It's the only way I can keep going."

Malyn wanted to apologise, but he knew that would just lead them down a path of each of them heaping guilt on themselves and absolving the other. It wouldn't change anything and it wouldn't make either of them feel any better.

"Do you want breakfast before we head out?" Malyn asked. "I'm not hungry, but there are a couple pieces of fruit left."

Tyla gave a grim shake of his head. "Anything I eat now will only be purged from my system later. Let's go."

#

Ryan woke up with his arms around his backpack to the sounds of conversation and clinking dishes. The sight of the curtain in front of him reminded him where he was, but he couldn't feel the vibration of the bus moving with him.

He took his backpack with him when he got up. Finch had headed off to bed at the same time as him last night and Kimber had never reappeared after he'd gone off to hide early in the night, but only one of the bunks had its curtain drawn now. Judging by the morning light that made it past the curtain blocking the view of the rest of the bus, Ryan figured it had to be Luther. He'd never heard of a vampire who mixed well with sunlight.