Abuse. One word, many meanings. The definition; "treat with cruelty, or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly." Depression. A low mood that lasts weeks and months that just affects daily life. Back to abuse, it happens. It happens to anyone. "Perfect" or "A special kid" it puts people through a living hell. It made my life a living hell. My dad died last november. One feeling. Depression. The only way the abuse stopped, my dad. Knowing your mum can just kind of chuck her life away for beer and drugs, it makes you feel like you're a below tier from everyone else. I don't like my life. Having people over every single weekday after school, staring into the clock, waiting for it to hit 1am, so i could go to sleep, when the blaring music stopped and silence went through the air. I don't think mums okay, she needs help. If i didn't go round for her, going to the shop getting the beer for her daily bashes, she would have to go, if everyone saw her everyday buying it, she would get embarrassed and then take it out on me, stabbing me until i bled out enough to satisfy her. The blood rushes out of my body, enough to fill a stream. The pain never stops. Mentally and physically. In school it's like my senses just go completely. I can't hear, I can't see, I can't taste, I can't smell. I'm numb, i can just see blackness and i'm drained. Teachers voices twirling in my head, forgetting at least one moment ago, making the world freeze whilst i get drowned in embarrassment. I get asked "are you okay maddie? you look upset" by everyone, but deep down, it's just an automatic question that pops in your head when you see someone that's face looks sad, no matter if they are just zoned out or on the urge of ending life, you just have to say it. The amount of guilt i feel after saying "yes i am fine" just floods my body. I could get the help I need, but i don't want to lose my mum. Even though she abuses me, she's the only woman that made me. She provides my shelter, food and water, but also provides my reason to have bad mental health.
