" Hopes for the journey of a defeated battle "

              We can project our dreams in the future. Not all of it be in reality. Most of us went to other path as we go along our way.

              From the start we fight each one battle for our day to day living. In our early childhood is a survival to live.
           
              The author tells us her real experienced in life. The battle she had encountered and face right now. Her reason to succeed and pursue her dreams. The hopes and her goals continue despite what she been through. Most of her time considered a misery or a worth fighting for to come the reason why our life is so meaningful. Through her faith and perseverance to reach up the answer of questions in her mind.
          
             To begin with, she grew up alone, she is the only daughter. They are on the middle class of the family. During her childhood, she is very sicky type, went back and forth from hospital. Upon her primary schooling she can't expect a good grades.
She almost kicked out from school due to severe illness.  Instead, she continues despite of everything happen in life. Until one day, her conditions become little by little return in good condition. She often got bullied from neighbors, classmates or even relatives. On the other hand, despite of what others thinks she keeps going.
          
           Until one day she got a degree in business. Prior reaching up such degree she been through a lot of trials.. she work hard for it. Got a job and working all day and night just to finished it and prove herself worth for the society.
         
          For almost a decade of struggle to succeed her dreams and proved to everyone that they wrong of calling her "nothing and no brain at all". These words just like sword stuck on her heart. So, she never give up.. Got a nice job.. but sad to say that still she is not appreciated of all her job done. She worked for it but others will be rewarded and got praises from her boss. Often times she were recognize,  if there is something arises in the company that needs for solution.
         
            From then on, still she has courage to continue her journey. Until one day, she realized all her craziest moment in life. Looking up far ahead thinking for those happening, then start questioning herself why these are all happened to her. The stressful moment continues until she met a person whom she think can help her to carry her burden. In fact, this is her biggest mistake that prolong the agony until present.
 
            She got married, had kids, lost her job and her direction were complete changed. She sacrifice to quit all what she started for the seek of the family. These is not easy for her to adopt the new environment and challenge. As a working woman to a full blown home body person is not easy to accept. She sacrifices things just to insure to have a better future ahead, but the fact does not agree to pursue it. On the other hand, reverse happened to her. The graduation and diploma is not enough to be called successful. Maybe, I am wrong or right but reality teaches me a lesson.

               I reached the point that,  I have diploma but I almost don't have foods to fed myself or even single centavo in my pocket. Sad to face the reality but I need to accept it. Rumors, gossip arises that.. she cannot land a job anymore. She had done wrong in her previous employer, or else she cannot handle her duties.. she is nothing and brainless.. She is just trying hard to show she can be successful... But looked at her now? She is nothing again..  A degree.. without sense.. a graduate but useless. Wasting of time and effort for studying in result of her life is this now? A kind of missed. That moment I felt down, neglected even my own family.. they won't say anything but I felt the blame in me. I have no one to talked too.

              I don't know  how to pick up my pieces. Totally, I am useless feeling no one cares. I want to end up my life that moment seeing such a miserable scene. My minds says to give it up, but may heart still had hope that everything will be all right. These are all a part of my history soon. A little piece of chance sparks in the horizon. It will serves as my motivation to fight my battle.

             From this spark, I made it grow and developed a small fire that guide my darkness moment to find my ways to overcome obstacles.
 
            I realized maybe this happened to me because I forgot God. So, from then I give up myself to him.. all worries, problems I pray it all.
Everytime I am on the weakest point on life I'll pray and give up to him. I did not matter all people says to me. I asked guidance from him to start a new beginning.

              I accepted a job far beyond my qualifications. A college graduate work as household helper.. no one can imagine this was happening. Yet, it really happened in me. I have to do it because it is necessary for survival. In fact,  I cannot ignore that sometimes I felt pity.
        
              I live in the shadow of my wrong decision made once in my life.  This is not the end of journey, yet I am on the middle of my struggle.
 
             I had to think positive to left up myself and stay focus. Despite, of all the rejections, I still fight tell my last breath.

             No matter what people's says I will not affected. I have my own music to dance. Past is past, so take us now a new beginning to regain back the lost part of my life  alone.