Lemon angel

Chapter five, Nothing New

Small recap!
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"Nothing suicide can't fix!" Dazai said excitedly.
(End of recap)

Chapter 6,
Nothing New
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"That would kill all of our variants though."
"Wouldn't all of our variants want to die too?"
"One or two might've found reasons to live, Dazai."
"Fine.. that's so lame!" Dazai dramatically crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm not amusing enough." Zero said blankly.

"Well, I wonder if the others would be excited you're back again, and so soon? Yeah, you should probably just stay here forever at this point." He said with a cocky tone and smirk.

"It'd be good to see them again, it'd remind me what I can't have. They're most likely more manipulative and will most likely attempt to use me, but I find that much better than the shit I went through with the variants in my verse!" They said with a sweet and soft tone.

"Wow, that's depressing, but I dunno what I expected from someone's who's about just the same as me."

"Is it depressing to hear someone recapping your thoughts aloud for the first time?"

"Pretty much! However, ...I wonder.. does anyone else have vereses?"

I found myself kind of just stood there.
It would be odd to think about, but it isn't impossible.

It does seem like a nice thing to have a whole universe, all of it practically revolving around you. No one could ever say "the world doesn't revolve around you" ever again, because that wouldn't be true.
(End of draft)

"I believe it would be stupid if not, yes?"

"I suppose you're right."

"You should expect no different at this point, after all, we're one and the same."

I leaned back with a sort of blunt look as I glanced at him.

"There's no need to get all angry, are you on your period, girly?"

He teased back as a refute to my bluntness. It wasn't anything new, just the same as I. It's not any surprise. Was I truly this insufferable as well? Is this why people can't find it in their heart to stand me?

I've truly given up on being a good person.

I don't know what to think, but somehow I was thinking so hard. It was so infuriating, my head ached, my skin throbbed, and I felt dizzy.

I stutter stepped and ran into a wall. I then realized I was so spaced out that when I hit the floor when I fell, I gasped in shock. My heart was racing, pounding in my chest. I was getting nauseated.

"Geez, shorty. Did it really get to you that badly? Your eyes are meant to be used to see, not just to look pretty."

"God damn it, shut up."

I grumbled. I wasn't in the damn mood to take this at the time. I finally let my breath go, my back hunching over. I looked down.

I started to pick at the ground, scratching it. My finger tips bled a little, but i stopped as I got some small stones.

I felt way more relaxed, way more relieved. I couldn't help but relish the feeling. This was my first break in a bit, having gone through so much in..

A day? A few hours? I couldn't tell. Time between the verses were so different. It felt like I'd been here for only 20 minutes, but at home it must've been around an hour, yes?

"Since you refuse suicide time and time again, I see only one solution left.. I didn't want it to come to this.."

Dazai said with sincerity and a dark tone. This caught me off guard, was he planning something? Something that could endanger us both? For why?

"A trip to bar Lupin!"

Dazai continued ecstatically, cutting off my thoughts. He had me worried all for that? I felt like scolding him for this, but I could use a trip to the bar. Just the thought of a bottle of cherry blossom sake brought a bit of warmth to my body and heart, and a smile to my face.

I didn't want to be sober, not tipsy, just wanted to be entirely drunk: to be distracted from everything. Fire can't be put out by fire, but the burning sensation in my being can be cured by that feeling of a burn in my throat, the dizziness, and the self depreciating feeling of throwing up the next morning. The disgust in myself. Not like it's anything new. Nothing new.

I stood up, a wobble in my legs, and a dizzy feeling in my head from getting up too fast. Damn myself for my anemia.

Damn myself for not having another blood, if only my heart pumped more out. If only it pumped more blood and less care for people who never gave a damn about me. It's a waste and a shame. Nothing is a given. I was truly made to die, but something stops me every time.

That deep burn in my soul. The one that burns my body like I walked right into a camp fire, setting my heart ablaze. My breathing felt like my neck was rung by the hands of those I ever loved before.

I should feel no shame for having loved, so why do I feel so ashamed and lost. Lost without them.

Why does it hurt so bad to feel like you lost the love of someone who never even loved you in the first place?

Yeah, I could use a drink.

"I'll take you up on that offer."

"I thought so, after all you're already walking like a drunk lightweight."

"Shut up before I change my mind."

"Awww.. but you won't, yes?"

I just continued walking with him in silence. I wasn't going to debate with him at all. It was a waste of time to do so.

Every step closer I felt less anxious and more at ease. The wind smelled out brief liquor as it felt we were getting closer and closer to the bar.

I felt less tormented by my own self. Less tired.

I sped my walking up, as did Dazai. Every step pounded against the cement.

I didn't necessarily feel happy, but I felt calm. It calmed me to hear another set of steps right behind me, practically next to me at this rate. I couldn't help but smile.

Things couldn't get worse than this.

Right?

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End for this chapter.
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Notes:
Hiii! I'm Fig, you know me as Zero. I deleted wattpad for a bit, but i actually downloaded it because I wanted to see if it had some writing for my new second favorite fandom, alien stage. But then i got reminded that this existed because I looked through my notifications and saw some people recently added it to their reading list. I'm assuming it's because of the later chapters because my old ones were generally shit. I am most likely only going to write for this for now on, unless I'm asked to write something else. I might take some requests. I feel like my writing has been improved since it's been more influenced by other writers outside of wattpad, and I have more experience. I want to write more for this, and I might start about story later on, but I want a definite ending written for this. I also might take requests for co writers. I really want a co writer to write headcanons, paragraphs for the stories. We could rp for ideas in the story and everything. I really just don't want to write alone anymore as I get art block and get really tired. It took me a month and a hiatus to write this chapter. Yes, the start of this chapter is a draft, I'm sure it's kind of obvious from the slight grammar, and wordage change. I feel I got more detailed writing and I feel happy with it now. I've been through a lot, I think the writer curse got to me. But imma tough it out cause I'm an alpha 🐺🐺🐺🐺 anyways, bye!!! Hope to see you next chapter - Fig💕

Words: 1352!

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Notes:
This is my latest chapter and I'm pretty sure my writings improved quite a lot.