A Love Letter To...

Why It Always Seem To Be 2 am

Life is simple we are the ones who complicate it. The point of life is to never lose the will to live. We are the ones who sit around staring at the stars and aching for a deeper meaning to it all. We demand that the universe promise us one true love, one true purpose, and one true meaning to why we are here with a beating in our heart and a full feeling in our lungs. Everyone has there own demons that tussle around in their head late at night and aches in their gut each day. We created longing and hatred and joy. We created our own sins, we invented them, labeled them, and then promised ourselves to them. Everyone hits rock bottom at some point and not everyone can pick themselves up afterwards. We all find our downfalls at some time in our life. We grow wild and we blossom in our sins. Some of chase our dreams by spending the night in the arms of people who never promise us love just the promise that tomorrow they might still be here.

 We trust blindly because if we cant trust at least one person in this world then we may never keep our will. We break ourselves down and beg the world to build us back up. We dance in the rain and cry in the sun. Some of us love too quickly and always fall too deeply. We cant help it. We chase our dreams in the eyes of others. We set boundaries for ourselves just so that we can break them. It is a thankless job to be human. There are trials around every corner and without any sense of what fairness is we are left forever declaring that life is not fair. We fall in love again and again and each time we swear "This is the one. This person before me is my soulmate." its cruel and effortless. Foolish girls promise themselves to wanton boys without any belief in their hearts that he will come back for them. Life is simple. Everyone craves something or someone. We all long and ache and tear ourselves apart trying to find our eternal happiness.

 I want to watch the sunrise over the ocean. I want to travel the world and experience it with my every piece. I want to breathe the air that has been recycled by those long past. I want to see amazing sites that very few have ever seen before. I want to experience all that this life has to offer. I want to fall recklessly into love. I want to throw caution to the wind and risk it all for one pair of eyes that haunt my dreams. I want simplicity and exotic all in one life span. I want to lay in the cool night grass and watch the stars gleaming out from the sky and feel so small that I can barely comprehend the fear that wells inside me at the knowledge that I am so unextraordinary in a universe that is tucked away inside a great big unknown. I want to understand that life is full of mysteries and that I will never be able to comprehend them all. 

 I want all of this and it is through these desires that I become me. These desires make me completely extraordinary and completely ordinary all at the same time. Hundreds of people have held these same desires before me and hundreds will hold these desires after me. Life is simple and inexplicable. 

 I have all the same desires as so many others and yet I have found my own downfalls. I have created my own morals and I have tested them just the same. I have lived more in one hour then I have lived in a year. I have loved one person more dangerously then I may ever love anyone again. I have built myself up and I have torn myself down. I have painted walls, and pictures. I have sang others stories and I have sang my own. I have loved blue eyes, green eyes, and brown eyes. I have cried and I have laughed. I have promised boys my heart and sometimes I have meant it. I have hurt and I have been hurt. I have lived a piece of my life and done so without even knowing it. 

Life is simple. Everyone everywhere has dreams, hopes, desires. Everyone is longing. 

 And this tale is simple too. This in its entirety of rambling chaos that bounces around so absent mindedly is so simple through five easy words; This is a love letter. I cant say who its too and maybe its to no one and maybe its to myself. Maybe its to a boy I loved when I was six and maybe its too a boy I loved when I was 16. Maybe its a love letter to the universe. All I know is I am surrounded by mint and cinnamon and contemplating the meaning of life when its nearly too late to claim its nearly a decent hour. I'm contemplating the contrast between brown eyes and light blue eyes. 

 There are two things that I hold close to my heart in this moment that hold more truth then I could ever hope to proclaim, life is simple and this is a love letter. Its through these two truths that I spiral down into the bittersweet yesterdays that our my memories.

 I remember green eyes that stabbed me by the sea when it was 2 am and I was breathlessly in love. I remember stolen words and bitter fights. I remember the fall out when love turned to hate and hate burned me up inside. I remember nightmares every night for a year and the pain of falling out of love. I remember the taste of 2 am when I'd wake up aching for someone who would never ache for me. 

 I remember the deepest blue eyes Id ever seen and how long it took me to realize their blueness came from a sadness that could never be erased. I remember perfection and the sweetest words Id ever heard tumbling from his mouth and suddenly its the first night. The blue that engulfed me as through a million miles he whispered "I love you" over and over through his sleepless night. I remember his games. I remember one month passing and everything changing. I remember becoming the problem when I had been the one talked into his love. I remember aching as I knew we didn't love each other but we loved the idea of being together. 

 I remember light blue eyes and sunny skies. I remember rushing water and green leaves over head as his lips met mine for the very first time. I remember the awkwardness and I remember the feeling of flying. I remember feeling loved. I remember the memories haunting my heart saying he was just a momentary love and I remember his words hushing my fears. I remember feeling truly happy for the first time since it was 2 am and I couldn't breathe because my loves arms were around me. I remember feeling foolish because it couldn't be love yet but not having a word for the blossoming feeling in my chest. I remember his mistake and how it haunted him. I remember wanting to silence the pain inside of him and lift him far above his pain. I remember him being torn away and crying for hours because I still dint know if he would wait for me. I remember 2 am laying in his shirt and deciding to break all of my rules even if it'd break my heart. 

 I remember brown eyes and not knowing. I remember the first date. I remember his warm embraces and his adorable face. I remember his face turning red as he said that he couldn't look at me too long without blushing. I remember that he's not gone. I remember staring into his eyes and not being able to read them. I remember giving in and letting the summer take me. 

 This is who I am. I am hazel eyes and a smile that always dips on one side. I am laughter and pain and remembering. I am love lorn and realistic even as I dance recklessly. I am two am and every broken promise that has been sent my way. I am nightmares and day dreams. I am mint and cinnamon. I am my friends and my enemies. I am all that I have ever loved. I am indecision and commitment. I am a goodbye to green eyes. I am a poison to deep blue eyes. I am a promised tomorrow of a boy with light blue eyes. I am the now of boy with brown eyes. 

 Life is simple and this is a love letter and I am hazel eyes. 

 Maybe we fall in love to quickly when we are young. Maybe its our nature to be reckless and wild. Maybe it is our legacy as a species that we are able to love so deeply that it can still our heart. Maybe love is just chemicals flooding our brain. I am in love. I am in love with hazel eyes. I am in love with shining stars. I am in love with this life and its complicated simplicity. I am in love with 2 am. I am in love with the songs that have been playing in my ear as I write this down. I am in love with my bleeding heart and I am in love with every drop of blood that falls upon this page and forms a word. 

This love letter has no goodbye. I am tired of goodbyes. Instead of a goodbye I will leave you with my hopes and through my hopes I hope you discover your own.

 I hope that life is simple. I hope that love is everlasting. I hope that the person who calls me their queen is waiting for me and saving all of their cuddles. I hope that the sun will shine. I hope that I will dream of the one who owns my heart. I hope the ones I care for will message me back. I hope that I will live. I hope that I will love. I hope that I will forgive my yesterdays. I hope that I will travel. I hope the ones I care for care for me the same. I hope the one who calls me the most beautiful person they know misses me the way that I miss them. I hope I travel. I hope I grow old. I hope this love letter reaches whoever it is meant for. 

 I hope that life is simple, I hope that this is a love letter, I hope I have hazel eyes