Pretending

~3~

We walk to our class and sit at the back of the class. I could see that Zahara was really worried. "Calm down. I will surely help you with this and I am sure you will improve a lot." I try to comfort her.

"It's just that I don't wanna fail in math again." She says, "And by looking at these problems I am sure I am going to. They are so confusing."

"Hey it's not that hard. You are a smart girl and you just need a little help and I am sure I can do that help. Don't worry." I say keeping my hand on her shoulder. I sense her relax and remove my hand.

She smiles at me and nods. "You are an amazing person." I smile back at her. Our teacher enters and starts teaching us. I could see that Zahara was getting confused and really bored. I try to help her with whatever I can. The period ends and we walk through the hallway. We part our ways and go to our respective classes.

Rest of my classes went in a blur. It is nice having a new friend. Zahara is a good person. She is funny and sweet. She can be a little bossy but she is nice. And the best thing about her is she knows how to give people their space. We are friends and she knows how to be in her limits. I think she understands that I need my space and knows that I can't open up to her in just one day. I exit through my school and start walking to my house. I put my earphones and let the music play in my ears. I love music. Some lyrics mean so much and you feel as if that music is made for you.

I reach my home in ten minutes and walk to my bedroom upstairs. Father might have left early for work and Maddie might be at work too. Knowing that I have all the time now I walk to the room I love. I open the wooden door and walk in the most beautiful room ever. It is a small yet the most comfortable room ever. Its walls are painted in a warm golden shade. Our family photos hung on the wall in a sequence. Dark curtains cover the window on the side. A small study table stands in the corner of the room with a laptop on it. In the middle of the room is a bed with the most beautiful lady sleeping on it.

I walk to her and watch her as she sleeps peacefully. Sitting on the edge of bed I run my hand through her soft blonde hair. She slowly turns and opens her eyes. As she sees me she smiles. The smile reaches her eyes. The smile which hides all the pain she is suffering from. "You came home? How was your day? And how long have I been sleeping?" she asks in her angelic voice.

I chuckle a little and shake my head. "My day was nice. And yeah you have been sleeping all day. How are you feeling?"

"Lively." She giggles. "So tell me what happened?"

"Nothing." I can't tell her about Vanessa. She will be heartbroken. She loves her as much as she loves me. I don't want her to be in more pain.

"Spill the beans Rachel. I know something is up. Come on from when did you start hiding things from your mother?" she asks. She knows me too well. Even my poker face doesn't work on her. It's like she can read my mind.

I sigh. "Vanessa, she says she doesn't want to be my friend anymore." I say and tears jump into my eyes. I could see hurt flash through my mother's face. "Why did she do this to me mom? What did I do? She is such a bitch. She hurt you too. You cared so much for her. But what does she do? Ditch her friend and in the process hurt the woman who cared so much for that bitch. You shouldn't be hurt for a girl like her." I say suddenly angry. How dare she do that? She knew about my mom's sickness. I let the tears of frustration, hurt and anger flow.

Mom wipes the tears from my cheek. "Don't cry baby. It's ok. It was her choice to go. Maybe she found happiness in it. Who are we to judge her? Don't we hurt people? She may have her reasons Rachel. If we truly care about her we would let her go. Our life is a journey. We have to travel alone. Everyone will leave us Rachel. In the end you have to walk alone. You have to find your own path and you have to survive on your own. You may love a person a lot but you won't be able to live with each other forever. You have to let go sometimes. For good." I look at her in confusion. Not everyone leaves us. Like she has been here with me whenever I want her. She is wrong, not everyone we love leaves us. It seems like she notices my confusion and adds. "Sometimes it's not by choice, it by faith. I will have to die and have to leave this world. But will always remain in your heart."