shrek x reader [pirate au]

Chapter 1

y/n was drowning in the ocean and flailing around because they can't swim. they see a ship in the distance as they climb onto a rock.

however, the rock was not a rock, it was a whale. y/n screams and jumps back into the water even though they're a loser who can't fucking swim.

y/n sees that the ship from earlier is closer so they swim towards it. once y/n gets close enough, they get sucked into the propeller and gets cut because they're a dumbass.

y/n swims out of the propeller and gets caught in a fishing net. y/n flops around with the fishes.

suddenly, they feel the fishing net being lifted up. y/n is very tangled in the net. when the net reaches the deck of the ship, y/n and all the unfortunate fishes that were caught are laid on the floor.

y/n untangles themself and looks to see the sexiest person they've even seen before standing in front of them.

his green bald head is glistening in the sunlight with his weird ass ears framing his face perfectly. y/n is instantly in love.

"u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uwu" y/n says.

someone else on the boat, they looks similar to the hot green ogre but were female and had red hair, said, "wow we got a lot of fish"

y/n doesn't like the female ogre because she's a redhead. y/n is only focused on the other green ogre.

the ogre notices y/n. "i'm shrek." he introduces himself to the fish next to y/n before picking up the fish.

"hey bbg" shrek winks at the fish much to the dismay of fiona.

"i want this fish you can toss the rest back into the ocean"

y/n starts to cry. "i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i'm not a fish" y/n says

"HOLY SHIT THE FISH CAN TALK BURN IT" shrek yells as he kisses the fish in his hands.

the crew members grab all the remaining fish on the floor and toss them back into the sea. then they make a funeral pyre and burn y/n at the stake. the fish in shreks arms looks traumatised.

y/n dies being burnt alive and they throw their body back into the ocean. and since y/n still can't fucking swim, they drown.

the end