sleepless summers

i

Chapter 1
formalities to change realities
Music: be a nobody - soAk

THE thing to understand about the origin of our friend group was relatively simple, much in comparison to the history rooted within it. It started as a trio, followed by a duo which turned into five of us - all vastly differing from one other with one key interest we shared. We were born and raised in a diminutive yet, tranquil residential town in England. It was known solely for its occasional academic success - its university and surrounding schools making regular headlines in national newspapers and online articles that were forgotten by all in a matter of hours, leaving us off the radar. Moreover, you were much out of luck for leisurely activities unless coffee shops and bookstores were high on your agenda.

As I grew older, it became obvious to me that every resident I encountered began to feel accustomed to this life. Nobody wanted to be famous, nobody stood out and nobody cared to leave any sort of permanent impact on the World, almost as if they didn't quite realise they had even existed to begin with. I would watch as people gathered themselves within the grounds of the university, book in hand as they sat in circles on the grass, each giving their opinions day, nothing but sheer nonsense and drama as opposed to anything of relevant interest. Sometimes they would have picnics, other times they would only have those bound pices of paper for entertainment or education as they found tranquility within the cracked walls, brown bricks scattered around to distract them momentarily. It was a comfort, a solice for those who appreciated more traditional architecture. If they decided to inspect closer, however, they would see how those foundations were beginning to crack, how the smell of mildew was being ignored by all that claimed authority within it. To me, it was a rather unpleasant sight to behold which nobody else could comprehend.

It was during the first year of this 'prestigious' university where we all met and formed a band, arguably out of intoxication mixed with sheer boredom in our personal lives clouding our judgement. To us, the band manifested itself as something to not only pass our free time, but to look good on our academic record as we were inevitably to apply for jobs in the near future. We were raised to never stand out or be something bigger than our quaint town, so a rebellion or desire to truly put ourselves out there became much of a taboo subject. Our lead singer, Millie Ainsworth, was the only person from within our group that I had known prior. Her and I grew up together from around the age of one when both of our mothers met during those mom and tots support groups. They later found out that they lived two streets down from one another, so play dates with Millie were high on my childhood agenda.

Since the two of us relied on each other, it wasn't until our first year in university where we quickly found ourselves isolated until Freshers Week, noticing the hoardes of people seemingly fitting in and blending together amongst their own cliques, an almost monotonous cycle of their only interests being a recap of the weekly rumours to fit in and seem beguiling. Millie and I had always been a trio. Rarely a day went by without fail where she, myself and Ethan would go without contact, whether it be on the phone or in person and we didn't have to put on a persona for one another. Our friendship with one another was pure and innocent, merely existing for each other as we felt nothing but joyous company. Such a lifestyle changed for us when Ethan suddenly ceased all personal or social contact with us and had moved away before we could come to realise how amiss things were behind the scenes, hearing how he had spent all those years decieving us and living under a façade. As we grew older, Millie and I came to understand that he did that to cope with his personal life as we found out he ended up in foster care and eventually took his own life. She had taken the death of Ethan badly and refused to make any more friends. She became apprehensive about becoming close to someone else and losing them, undergoing just how cruel the world could be to those within it at such a young age. We were sixteen when Ethan passed away and, when she became non-verbal shortly after his funeral, we made the collective decision to be by each other's side and to always make sure to speak up when we hit low points in our lives. We maintained this promise and became inseperable, the only exception being those last six months where we limited contact with one another as we had our priorities set on escaping the hell-hole that's called sixth form and came out of it different people, Millie feeling the isolation of being alone more frequently than not and deciding that it was time for her to heal and create new personal relationships.