Just take of

III.

Again and again, the alarm beeps right next to my head. I turn it off and sit on the bed. I feel tired, and my new and old bruises ache all over my body. She will notice them today, I thought. Even though I know I have to manage, I feel that the only thing I can do is simply exist and do nothing else. After finishing my usual morning hygiene routine, I put on my headphones and played "Adeline" by alt-J. I grabbed my bag, slipped into the kitchen, got some money for a snack and a bottle of water. I woke up earlier so I wouldn't meet my dad, but to be honest, I was up all night, which made me exhausted. "I have to get out of here before Dad wakes up," I thought. I took my keys, quietly closed the door behind me, and went out the front door to the street. Once I was no longer at home and not so worried about myself, I took my phone out of my pocket to check the new notifications. A few texts and missed calls from friends. I put my phone back in my pocket and let myself be carried away by the cool spring breeze, the sun's rays on my skin, and the shuffle on my headphones.

I went to the store on the way. And to be honest, I didn't even think about food, so I just bought chewing gum. I was thinking about a plan on how to handle everything today and "survive." I just wanted to endure it quietly, nothing more and nothing less. To float through the crowd and pretend I'm not there, to hide. That was exactly my plan, to blend in despite all the looks and words.

I arrived at school and immediately went to my locker. I was wearing nothing but black, except for my favorite hoodie that was pulled over my head. I took my things from the locker and went to the English classroom. For a moment, I was in a kind of trance and just looked at my place, the middle row of desks at the very back. Luckily, alone. I prepared for class, put my head on the desk, and just listened to the songs. A few friends came to see me to find out why I had been ignoring them all weekend. But I didn't answer. I didn't have the strength for it. The hours went on until the last one. After history class, I didn't want to go home yet; I didn't want to go back to my dad's. Fortunately, there was one place here at school that not many people went to: the library.

As written in the book "The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue" by V.E. Schwab: "Books are a way to live a thousand lives - or find the strength in them to live one very long one." I agree with that, even though I didn't have the strength, the books helped me not to think about what was happening in my life, at least for a while. So I took a book and started reading. I stayed there until they closed the library. I decided to go to a nearby park. I drank some water and chewed some gum. As the sun began to set, it dawned on me that I had to go back. I went home, not even bothering to hurry. I didn't want to be there, but I had nowhere else to go. I unlocked the door and entered quietly. Dad was sitting in the living room with something in his hand. I didn't want to know what; it wasn't worth it. I just tried to get into my room without being noticed, my only goal, which failed because when I opened the door to my room, an orange-blue butterfly necklace fell at my mother's feet.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

"Maddie, what's going on?"

"Please, answer me. You know I'm here for you."

"If you want, write me."

All the messages were from my best friend, Sara. Sara Allonsová has basically been my best friend since elementary school, and we tell each other everything, at least that's how it used to be. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want to bother her with my personal life either. I turned off my phone; I couldn't do anything else. I lay down on my bed and clutched my mother's necklace in my palm until I fell asleep.