The Inner Voice

One

"I am lost in the noise
of expectations, yearning to
find my own voice and embrace
the true me hidden beneath
layers of doubt and fear."

~ Ritika

~~~~~~~~~~~

Third person pov

Ritika sat at her desk in her room, with her desk lamp shining on her textbooks and notebooks. It was already the evening, and outside her window, the sky was turning from blue to purple as the night approaches.

Despite her best efforts to focus on her textbook, her thoughts kept drifting away.

She sighed, tapping her pencil on the desk. "The Milky Way... spiral galaxy..." she muttered to herself. come on, Ritika, focus."

But her thoughts kept going back to the conversation she had with Neha her friend that day.

Neha's voice echoed in her mind "Ritika, you need to be there. Promise me you will come."

She hesitated before replying "Yes, sure I'll be there"

Coming back to the present ritika asked to herself, "Do I really want to go, or am I just saying yes because it's expected?"

Minute passed....

"I can't make a simple decision" she thought. "I am such a....

"Ritika beta, dinner is ready. Come quickly before it gets cold." her mother called from downstairs, breaking her thoughts.

"I'll be there in a minute, maa." she answered.

•••••••••••

Meet 18 years old ritika, at such a age she had mastered the look of a dutiful daughter and obedient student, but inside, she felt torn.

Her loving, traditional parents had clear expectations for her: study hard and excel in academics. But Ritika felt trapped by these expectations, longing for something she couldn't quite name.

As she took her seat, her father asked about her day at college. "How was your day, beta?"

"It was good, Papa. We had a few lectures and some assignments," Ritika replied easily. She talked about her day, sharing details of her classes and interactions with friends. But beneath her calm exterior, she hid the unease she felt inside.

"Ritika, you need to eat more. You're looking so thin these days," her mother fussed, placing another chapati on her plate.

"I'm not that hungry, Maa," Ritika said softly.

After dinner, Ritika retreated to her room, the silence amplifying her thoughts. She sat by the window, looking out at the now darkened sky, the stars faintly twinkling through the city lights.She pulled out her journal and began to write:

"Dear Diary,

Why is it so hard to be true to myself?
I feel like I'm always pretending, always saying yes because it's easier than explaining why I want to say no.
Like today with Neha - I don't even know if I want to go to that party, but I said yes anyway. It's not that I don't like my friends. I do. But sometimes, I just want to be alone, to think, to breathe.

Maa and Papa mean well, I know that. They've always done what they think is best for me. But their dreams for me don't feel like mine. I love studying, but sometimes I wonder if there's more to life than this.

Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I need to find what really makes me happy. But how do I even start? Everything feels so predetermined, like there's a script I have to follow.

- Ritika

Ritika closed the journal, feeling a bit lighter but still confused. She placed it back in the drawer and looked out the window one last time.

"One step at a time," she told herself. "Maybe tomorrow will bring some clarity."

With a deep breath, Ritika turned off her desk lamp and crawled into bed. As she drifted off to sleep, she felt a small hope, hope that she would find her own path, one step at a time.

************

Here's the first chapter!

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