Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Mads } BRIDS: TALES OF THE CRAWFORD FAMILY

CLIENT: Josie576

REVIEWER: CrownedMadness

SUMMARY:

Celeste, believed to be an orphan, learns her father is alive and moves into his house, the Crawford residence. There, she uncovers the truth about her past and unravels the dark secrets of the Crawford family.

PLOT:

I'll start by saying that you should consider revising the blurb as it doesn't serve the book. After reading, I realized the current blurb serves as the Introduction's summary rather than the representation of the book's content. A well-crafted blurb should give insight into the main characters and the central conflict without revealing too much—it's the sales pitch and the first look of the story.

Coming to the plot, on its own, it's intriguing with the unique concept of the supernatural family drama. However, the execution has a lot of room for improvement, considering you have a substantial base. (I will delve further into this under the prose section.)

The opening chapters are crucial for capturing the reader's interest and laying the groundwork for the plot by setting the stakes and introducing key characters. While the prologue shows promise with its well-crafted anxious tone, the following two chapters lack momentum in terms of content to drive the plot forward. Although it's a good starting point for the character Iris, there's room to develop those chapters plot-wise for a more significant impact. Moreover, there's no groundbreaking information that the reader doesn't already know from the introduction and prologue, which is the return of Hera and Celeste.

If you're not aiming for a slow build-up, addressing the above issues could also help improve the slow pace.

I'd also suggest considering whether the introduction is really necessary. It seems to be a condensed version of the main plot, which detracts from the excitement of the story and acts as a spoiler.

PROSE:

The opening of the introduction establishes the setting as Massachusetts and creates curiosity around Celeste Crawford. However, considering the prologue truly kicks off the storyline, I'll also comment on that opening—it effectively creates a sense of mystery and disorientation that engages the reader. Both openings have their strengths. One suggestion is to consider using more impactful language to make the opening more memorable and unique.

In general, the vocabulary has room for improvement. I'm not implying using complicated language but rather being more specific in your choice of words when describing actions and details.

The prose could also use more vivid descriptions, particularly in Chapters 1 and 2. For instance, elaborating on the interiors of Sage's house would not only set the scene but also give a deeper insight into Sage's character. On another note, the transition to Sage's house felt quite abrupt—that is, when Iris was thinking, "I know where to get them," and the sudden shift to her being at Sage's house is jarring.

As mentioned before, being more specific with the descriptions will help bring the world and characters to life. Right now, the descriptions are somewhat telling and vague. For example, in the prologue, it's mentioned that the kids look like the man, but the readers have no idea what the man looks like because he isn't described. Adding more sensory details and addressing the skipped details will only enhance the overall immersion and flow of the story.

Additionally, the prose may benefit from removing some repetitive points, particularly in the dialogues, to avoid the feel of stretching and slow narrative pace. For example, the frequent references to how long it has been since Dahlia and Iris last saw each other and the conversation about Rowen being in town needs to lead to new information to keep the plot dynamic.

CHARACTERS:

In the opening chapters, Iris is portrayed as caring and dedicated, especially through her interactions with Jacob and Chris. Her want to start fresh and leave her old life behind is a promising plot point. I also find the dynamic of her being the "white sheep" among the Crawford "black sheeps" intriguing and worth exploring further.

Dahlia and Sage are fascinating characters, but the readers have only scratched the surface of who they are. By addressing the points mentioned earlier, consider delving deeper into their personalities for a more strong presence.

Another thing I found weird and curious is that while the story is centered around Celeste, she has yet to make a substantial appearance. The book is sold as Celeste's journey, so it would be worth introducing her early on to establish her role as the main character.

The concept of "supernatural" family drama creates an interesting ground to explore various relationship dynamics, and I hope to see these explored further over the course of the book.

WORLD-BUILDING:

As previously mentioned, there's room to enhance the scene setting. Detailed setting descriptions will help immerse the readers in the story and help them see the world through the characters' eyes. The concept of supernatural beings in Massachusetts is charming, and the looming conflict between the siblings has potential. You have a good foundation to build upon, so take the time to explore and develop the world.

GRAMMAR:

The writing is generally good, but there are some problems with punctuation and sentence structure. There are recurring comma splices, that is, commas used incorrectly to connect independent clauses. For example, "Well, maybe you would have preferred to have Rowan come instead, you always did see him as the good sheep and your favorite in the family." could be split into two separate sentences to avoid this issue.

There are also some wordy sentences and redundant phrasings disrupting the narrative flow. For example, "There were tourists that were residing there..." in Chapter 2 can be revised to "Some tourists resided there..." for better clarity and brevity. Similarly, the "as she is" in "She says as she is taking little steps towards me" might be redundant and can be eliminated for a more engaging narrative.

I didn't notice any issues with tenses. Keep up the good work!

ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:

I realize this might be a raw first draft, and there are some rough spots because of it. However, the concept of family drama among a supernatural family is a fresh and unique approach to the werewolf and vampire genre. Once the necessary edits are made, I see the enjoyment scale leveling up.

BOTTOMLINE:

While there's clearly room for improvement, I still think that this book will appeal to fans of supernatural fiction, especially those interested in vampire and werewolf stories, as well as lovers of tropes such as feuding families and sibling rivalry. Keep writing!