No longer me.

R@z0r$-?

The sun was shining through Ruby's curtains, the wind beating itself upon the window. Ruby startled awake, sweet ridden down her face. 'A nightmare.' She thought. She lifted up her long blue spread sleeves, she mindlessly gazed at her slightly tanned arm. The scissors cuts she made yesterday 0 completely gone. She sighed with disappointment, as she got up from her pink and grey bed and slipped on her black slippers.

Her cream coloured door opened with a quiet squeak. She peeked outside her door. Sitting at the dark drown coloured dinning table was her father. "Morning Dad," She drowsily called out. "Good morning, Rubs!," He replied cheerfully. "We are planning a 5 day vacation for mum's birthday later in September!" Ruby's eyes slightly widened in amusement. "Alright, sick!" She headed to the bathroom that was just across her room. She removed her retainer, washed them out and put them in their light purple container.

She tiredly walked towards the kitchen, through the short hallway and passed her father. She opened one of the top cupboards, a grabbed out a red mug with white spots. She put 3 teaspoons of Milo into her cup and the rest milk.

After her drink she brushed her teeth, gave her smooth yet fluffy brown hair a quick brush and walked back to her messy room. She popped down on her bed and started a magna she got a few days ago. "DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN BEFORE I LEAVE AT 2PM!" Her father yelled from the living room. She didn't answer because she knew her slightly intelligent father knew she knew. She put on a dark green hoodie and cream cargos.

It has been 2 hours since she started cleaning. She decided to make one of her family's favourite for afternoon tea, or lunch for others. Zucchini slice. She carefully mixed and combined all of the desired ingredients. Poured it into the pan and put it into the quite old oven for 30 minutes.

As her family enjoyed the slice, she went back to her room to relax before her father had to leave for work.

"BYE DAD LOVE YOU!" Ruby screamed as her father backed out of his parking spot, Ruby's sister and brother in the car, headed towards their aunties for a playdate. After Ruby couldn't see the car anymore she went inside the brick house to have a nice refreshing shower. She connected her phone to the blue speaker in the shower and sang her heart out to old and new songs.

The steam in the room started to clear as she dried herself off enough to walk out of the room. She was looking through one of the bathroom draws, and then she saw it. A boz full of razors. Her mind filled with an unknown excitement. She rushed to her room slamed the door and opened on of the razors. There it was in all its deadly glory. Jumping with joy, she cut her arm with the razor. It has a small stinging sensation before everything came back to her at once.

'These aren't like those temporary scissor cuts. These stay.' She repeated over and over in her head. The word 'attention seeker' repeated over and over again. Her breathing started to get heavy. Everything was dizzy. She was shaking like an electric chair.

She quickly grabbed her phone and called the only person she knew who knew about her suicidal tendencies. Callum. His mic was broken so he had to type, but she could still talk and he could still hear. Her panic attack slowly calmed down as he continued to help her. "Grab champion ok?" He texted her. Champion was a shark plushness with abs. Really weird right? Well, because when Callum couldn't comfort her or hug her, his 'champion' he called it.

She planted her face into the familiar smalling plushie. Her panic attack now completely gone. He had to leave so he texted her goodbye and left the conversation.

Her mum had finally returned home after long day at work. "How was your day Ruby girl?" She joyfully asked. "Ah I had a panic attack today, and one of my friends helped me." Ruby responded calmfully. Her eyes had a questionable amount of disappointment inside of them. "You don't need help when having panic attacks. You can love through them yourself." She firmly stated. "OK mum," Ruby answered with the little hesitation she had left.

She sadly walked back to her room. Now disappointed in herself. She had the sudden urge to cut her left again, but decided not to and fell back asleep in the coziness of the warm blankets. 

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Date: 3rd August 2024