🦋 : BUTTERFLIES . . : TMF

[ 1 ] The thing we call love.

Love.

Oh, that word.

You see, every single one of us has a different perspective on "Love". Love is complex- a powerful emotion. One could experience deep love, affection beyond any other. But is that really love? Love could simply be a deep connection between individuals: bringing joy, happiness and a sense of belonging in the world we call "ours". Some say love involves caring, compassion, understanding and selflessness between both sides. Love can be expressed through so many ways. Romantic, platonic, familial or maybe even self love. Perhaps some see it as companionship, between them and their friends. Or perhaps family, a strong bond which ties them all together to create the tree which they have been expanding for generations. Different people perceive love uniquely, influenced by not only their values, but rather relationships, personal experiences and perspectives of their own.

But, no matter how hard i tried, my idea of love never quite felt like any of those. Love is bittersweet. Maybe just bitter. Romeo and Juliet ended within a tragedy, yet some believe it was romantic. I don't get it. How is it romantic if they had both ended dead? Is dying with one you became fond of "Love"? Yet, within that very play, it's believed that Romeo was the hero of his story, but was it REALLY his story? For example. Tybalt, tybalt was made to be hated. Yet, something about the whole ideal makes sense. He was raised within the wrong environment, taught to hate the Montagues, and yet despite it all: his attitude was the way it was as he wanted to protect his family in the only way he knew how. Yet, he is viewed as bad for he killed Mercutio. All of it was an accident, and it would be obvious if more people had looked into his character. Yet, they don't. 

All because "Love" outshined the details which we could've uncovered. Romeo killed with intent, yet he is viewed as good. He was a good person for what he did, or so we say. But, this just makes me think more. Not every person who "Loves" is a good person. It's like saying not everyone who is pretty has pretty intents. But, we assume upon first glance. If someone is a lover rather than a fighter, we will assume they will love in the way we want to be loved. But, their idea of "Love" may be different to the way we perceive it.

I perceive it in a way im not sure many others would. I imagine it quite like distress. A feeling you DESIRE yet cannot get ahold of. How do we know we're really in "Love", rather than just forcing ourselves upon someone just because we require something so much? How can we be so sure that we are even capable of this thing called "love"? How are you expecting to be loved if you can't even love yourself? Don't take that the wrong way, im saying people should try learn more about themselves before bidding themself away. If you were to be led on, how would you get out? I could never find myself actually being in love.

I mean,

Me? 

Me, Drew?

In love? Oh, god no. Well.

Zoe, i liked her. But i could never utter that 4 letter word. 

Really. I adored her, to bits. But love. Love is difficult to explain. I would never say I loved her. Yet, when HE broke the news to me, well, it wasn't really news, and he didn't really do it professionally. When HE told me about zoe cheating on me, i was broken. I had felt actual emotions for the first time in ages. That's what really set me off. But, no. I would never cry over it. Why would a man cry? Pathetic, really. The bitterness of the past still lingers over me. Past heartbreak, casting a shadow of any chance of real love i possibly could've attempted having. Love becomes a source of pain, regardless. A reminder of the fragility called human emotions. Yet, oh my.

I never thought I'd feel actual love. Yet, now i realise. The day before, i had argued. I had fought. With him. Jake. My Jake. Jake sterling. Out of all people, he had stepped in. Why had he stood up for her? Why would jake, JAKE STERLING, stand up for that music freak, Hailey. I thought he was my friend. OUR friend. He told me he didn't even like them. I thought they were using him. I really did. But, if they were why did he stand up for her? Did he really prefer Hailey and them music geeks over us? Me, Henry and Liam? We were with him for years now. I thought we did everything he wanted? Was this not good enough for him? 

Did I pressure him too much? Was that it? Or maybe he has a crush on that blue haired one. Hailey. Does he like Hailey? Why do I feel so jealous? Shit. No, I need to grow up. I'm DREW. It was his choice. He knew what he was doing.

He had no rights to ditch us like that, though. He promised us he would focus on us once the competition was over, and this was all for daily.

Oh.

I think I get it. 

He was with them music fr . . . He was with the music club, because he preferred them. They were his actual friends, that's what he said. Oh my god. How did I not realise. He was avoiding me. But, why do I still care? Why cant I just get over him? It isn't that hard. It wasn't that hard with Zoe. Sure: I miss her. I valued her. But, it's different this time.

Oh. Fuck. 

And yet, now I realise why it had took such a toll on me.

The feeling of skull-moths trying to claw and climb throughout my throat before I had met him had turned into butterflies who made their enclosure within my stomach whenever I was near him. 

That was it. I knew it all now. 

I was in love with Jake Sterling.

And I still am.

Shit.

- 

AN :

HI IM SO SORRY IF THIS IS BAD THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT A BOOK , UMM IF U HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON STUFF THEN  PLS GIVE

also ill put povs after this, this is simply an introduction about the main stuff ^_^

IF U HAVE QUESTUONS FEEL FREE TO ASK BUT IM DESPERATE FOR IDEAS CUZ IM GONNA LOOSE THEM HELPP THANK U