Finding Fire

.3

I woke up only to hear the sound of weeping in my parents' room. Followed by a soft murmuring which I assumed was my father comforting her. My instincts told me to go in there, to see why she was so upset, but I knew better. When my mom was upset she did not want to share her grief, she keept it to herself and expected others to do the same.

So I did, I went back into an uneasy sleep.

And man did i regret it later...

I woke up bright and early, happy because it was snowing, and if it was snowing-North Carolina could never handle snow- school was canceled.

My mother seemed much better that day; she had a hang over but her morale was up.

In my family, we had a tradition in which whenever it snowed, we got to do one thing that we like, but rarely do. So I begged and begged until my parents finally agreed to take me to the art store. They were hesitant because of the icy roads, but after ten million pleases, they agreed.

And they had every right to be hesitant.

So we piled into our jeep and headed to my most favorite place ever. We sang along to Bastille, and argued over which road to take. In the end we chose the scenic road, so we raced along a beautiful road singing our favorite songs, when everything changed.

I remember it so clearly... the moments burned into to brain like the other mans skin after his Gin ignited setting his whole car ablaze. 

As we were nearing the more transited bridge we slowed but not much. We were just about halfway down the bridge when a car swerved out of nowhere and was about to collide with us when my father tried to swerve to avoid the worst of it but the car hit us head on and knocked us off the bridge.

At first it felt like an amusement ride except 1.) The other car had violently crashed into us and almost gave me whiplash 2.)I was not amused. I could feel my lungs screeching, making a noise that I was not aware humans could make. As we fell I fumbled for my seat belt but I could not unbuckle myself before we hit the water, and the impact knocked the breath out of me. I went into shock as the cold swallowed me whole, as it perverted every square inch of my skin.

Then everything happened so fast. In a matter of seconds my mother, twisted backwards, cut my seat belt and broke my window with two smooth blows. 

 I crawled through the window and looked down at my parents. In the moment that I looked down I knew they were not coming with me. There was blood, a lot of it; God there was so much blood. I wanted to help, but I was just shocked and for a moment I wondered how much blood there was in a human's body and how much you could live without. Surely no one could survive losing that much blood; But they were smiling, because they knew they had succeeded. But they had wasted their strengths in saving me.

I pounded on the window, but my mother just shook her head and pointed up. Her eyes started to droop and I realized that my father was not breathing. That's when I started to scream but she just smiled at me and let out her last bubbles. I screamed, and cried, and screamed some more until I could no longer have any possible air in my lungs. devastated I let my body float up

 After i broke the surface the adrenaline started to wear off and I took a desperate, ragged breath. I then numbly swam to shore. I could hear the distant sounds of an ambulance, but I knew it was too late, so I cried. I screamed and sobbed and yelled. I thought I would drown in my own tears. The impossibility of the events threatened to crush me as my brain tried to comprehend the event that had just taken place. The more I thought about it the more suffocating it got. I had to try to save them, I had to at least try; i owed them that much...

I remembered thinking right before the crash

I must be so lucky to have two parents who are so inappropriately in love.

I owed them so much...

I owe them so much...

I can't possibly have enough to give back...

So they can't be dead, they just can't.

I gazed over into the water, and felt my denial disintegrate. If I hadn't just escaped that crash you would never be able to tell that this river had taken everything from me. The cold water seemed so welcoming, it seemed to be calling out to me. It promised relief from this pain that threatened to rip me apart, it promised relief from this horrible reality, it promised the demise of thought..

It was so cold,

Everything was so cold.

I could almost hear a familiar voice call out to me,

As the darkness swallowed me it felt like going home, and my consciousness was striped from me.

I'm coming home mom,

I'm coming home.