letters to myself

Being honest with myself

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I keep reminiscing over the past and that's not exactly been helping. What I had with him was beautiful but constantly thinking about it has not exactly been helpful for me. He has moved on. I'm still stuck. I've been stuck for quite sometime. 

I have so many things pending. I need to complete about 13 assignments which have been overdue for the past 6 months, I have a certification to complete, I need to do this major task in my work, I need to prepare for my visa interview, I need to enroll for fall classes. I feel stuck. I need an external force which will move me from my spot and make me do shit. 

I spend my days endlessly scrolling through youtube and instagram shorts. Once I start, it feels incredibly difficult to stop. I don't know why. And when I finally get enough motivation to talk myself out of it, I see that over an hour has passed and I decide to call it a night and go to sleep. This has been happening for the past month or so ever since I lost a shit ton of money to that scam. What's gone is gone, Rita. It's close to impossible to get back that money. Sure there's a lot that I could've done with that kind of money, but there's no use thinking about it and being stuck in the past. I need to move on from this. I need to move on from my past and start focusing on myself. I could've had many incredible things earlier on itself. Thinking about how I could've done things differently is not letting me move on and have a better life for myself. 

You've been a people pleaser for such a long time. You say yes to everything even if it inconveniences you. That has to change. You have to learn how to prioritize. You will start doing exactly that. 

You've got to let go of the idea that you could've had better things now if you had made a different set of decisions. You have to live with the decisions that you've made and make the best out of it. What do you do from here? How can you make things better for yourself? What's going to make you feel happier?

You have a lot of pressing matters at hand to worry about. You have till July 15 to get the most important things out of the way. You have to be done with all this shit. You have to get shit done. You have no choice. 

Get shit done, Rita. That's the only way you can be at peace. Figure it out. Do what you got to do, but just get it done so that you can be happier.