Sorry, I Love You.

Chapter 1

(Seven years later.)

“Are you sure?”

Lyra stifled the urge to snort at the question. Striving to be kind instead, she nodded. “Yep. He’s definitely gay.”

“But he doesn’t look gay!” Came the disappointed reply. It was not the first time, and certainly not going to be the last time she heard those words, or something synonymous to them.

“So gay people have a certain look now?” Lyra asked, her voice turning curt. Remarks like that tended to irritate her.

The girl – Rita – had the good grace to flush, appearing embarrassed. “No. I don’t mean it like that. My parents are gay. It’s just…” She let out a wistful sigh,” He just has this… energy that I’m not used to associating with gay people… God that doesn’t sound great either–”

“I get it.” Lyra said, taking pity on her. And she did understand. It was like as if Alex pumped out these pheromones that appealed to the baser side of a person. Made a person want to give in and bare their neck, or do something also equally ridiculous. Very few people could say they weren’t attracted to him, and even then Lyra would bet they were lying, on some level. “He has this aura around him.”

“Right? It just does something awful to my head.” Rita brushed bask a few wisps of her dark hair, her eyes showing her continued disappointment. “He’s not even a little bi-curious?”

“No.” Lyra shook her head again, this time genuinely sympathetic. She understood where Rita was coming from, more than she would ever admit. She could never admit it.

“Bummer.” Rita sighed, then looked at her consideringly. “How do you do it? Having a best friend that hot.”

“I don’t see Alex that way.” She lied smoothly. It was becoming second nature to her, lying.

“Never?” Rita asked doubtfully.

“I grew up with him while he was still in his awkward stage.” She forced a laugh. “Trust me, I don't. He’s like a brother to me.”

“Hm.” Rita sighed again. “Thanks for answering my questions.”

Lyra flashed her a small smile. “Welcome.”

Waving, Rita spun away, heading for her group of friends who were a few feet away waiting for her. They had been there the whole time, trying to look casual while they stole surreptitious glances at them.

Reaching them, Rita shook her head and their shoulders slumped collectively. Lyra watched them as they walked away, ruefully amused.

Even though Alex was openly gay, at least once every week she got asked the same series for questions. Is he gay? Bi-curious? Maybe pan? Followed by a disillusioned, oh.

They had been attending this university for three years now, and yet she kept getting asked those questions. Alex had even jokingly remarked that she was like his wingman.

Which was irritating, not only because of the fact that some people only tried to befriend her because she was his best friend, but also because she still couldn’t stifle the dart of jealousy that pricked her when they began their hopeful inquiries.

It wasn’t easy being in love with her best friend. Especially when she knew there was literally nothing that could come out of it.

All it did was hurt.

She had become so good at lying to everyone about Alex. When they all asked, she said the same thing – she didn’t see him that way. But no matter how good she’d gotten at letting that lie slip through, she still couldn’t lie to herself, as much as she wanted to. Her heart and mind knew she wanted him, had wanted him for seven years now, and it was starting to fuck with her head.