Living a life without social skills With Hope For The Future

always alone

When I was a kid, I always struggled to fit in and make friends, and it didn't help that we moved every year either.. but the real problem was my social skills. Long story short.. I didn't have any.

I'd always struggled with talking to others and having real conversations. And it wasn't just my total awkwardness that got in the way. I was a total weirdo.
As a kid, I had a certain trauma that induced my imagination to greater lengths than it should have been.

I didn't have anyone to play with or hang out with while mom was at work, and my siblings were in school since my dad ignored me and played video games.

So my minds way of coping was to make my own family of something I loved. Wolves! I'd always been fascinated by anything animal related, but wolves were the big shots. I'd loved wolves so much that.. I made them my new family.

The problem is due to my disorder and over imagination. My mind made me actually see touch and hear the wolves I called family. I still remember everything as if it was real..

I remember the mother wolf was a big white wolf with white eyes..her fur was as white as snow..and it felt as soft as summers fresh green grass..her howls were a soft melody, a lulliby no music could ever compete with. Her name..was Angelina.

The father wolf was a big, strong black wolf with dark green eyes. I remember he's the one who taught me to hunt. (Yes, weird, right?) Through pure imagination and the fact I watched and studied wolves before I learned their ways.

And then their was their pup..jack. I called him Jack Jack, and he was my brother wolf. He was a few moons old and had Grey fur with Grey eyes. We'd play and wrestle all the time.. I loved him..

For some reason, I saw myself as a wolf, too. My imagination was just that strong.
One time, we went down to a pond, and Jack and I splashed, and it was then when the water calmed. I looked at my reflection.. I saw a few months old black and white wolf pup. My main fur was black, but I had white tipped ears and tail. And my eyes were white too.

I lived in Wyoming near wolves, so it didn't help that logic was in the mix, too.
My imagination and longing for a family made my wolf family. I truly remember things the sights the smells and the way I felt through it all..

I know now it was never real, but I still hold on to the memories of it. My family always saw me crawling around on all fours, always refusing to stand on two legs. My mother said it started at the age of 3, and sadly, this didn't end even after the loss of the wolf family.

And by that, I mean we moved, and I stopped seeing them. But that didn't stop the way I was or acted, I should say. I was sent to school for first grade year and met two really good friends. My parents always told me never to show what they'd call my "wolf side" to anyone.

But sadly, that didn't stop me.. I wanted to be who I thought I was..a wolf! So, one day at recess, I ran around on all fours, and everyone thought it was funny and asked me to chase them. I felt excepted for who I was.. but that didn't last long..

After the end of second grade, I'd moved away from cody Wyoming to a place called stillwater Oklahoma. I again was myself and ran around on all fours. Some of the kids thought it was funny, but most of them mocked me and told me I was weird.

At the time, I didn't mind because there were a few who liked it. So I stayed myself..we them moved in the middle of 3rd grade to Alva Oklahoma, and I was mostly shunned for being myself there and only had one friend.

We then moved again at the end of 3rd grade to Moore Oklahoma. I started 4th grade at that school.. I felt very uneasy about being myself or what I'd say "showing who I was" to other people..but I soon made a friend named Payton, who I called freckle friend due to all her freckles lol.