Darling || Ryoba Aishi + Jokichi Yudasei

Entry 1 || My Lovely Ayano.

It's been years since the incident, I'll never forget. I cant forget, it's my entire life now. I gave up on trying to escape and grown to love her, besides she already trapped me in deep. We both have a daughter together. We named her Ayano, Ayano Aishi. Ryoba insisted on keeping her last name in the family, I didn't bother objecting. There's no point. As Ayano grew older I noticed a unique trait she had compared to the other kids, she's never had a genuine smile. It worried me, it worried me a lot. I didn't want my daughter to grow up like her mother and have an innocent boy face the same fate as I did. I felt if she didn't have a passion for something she'll be worse than her mother if she ever goes down that path. 

Lately, I attempted to shower her in toys, take her places or bonding time in hopes to have her be normal. Nothing works. She still has that blank, soulless expression. I don't know how to fix it, I don't know what will make her smile, a genuine smile. As I played with her my wife comes in with a warm smile on her face. " Aren't you both so cute! Having father and daughter bonding time~! ". My wife approached behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck. 

Her face went closer to my ear, whispering " You know, darling. Ayano will be fine. You don't have to worry so much. She'll do great things. ".  Every time she says something like this to me it's like a spit in the face, telling me to give up. I already gave up my life, I don't want my daughter to have someone give up theirs. " I know she'll do great things, Dear. I just want to know she'll be able to enjoy it. " . " When the time comes, I'm sure she will, darling~ " She giggled, and kissed me. I kissed her back, it's something I do immediately now. It's like she programmed me into doing these things. Shes a master manipulator. 

My wife walks away,  I continue what I was doing previously. Playing with my daughter. As we were playing, she looked up to ask me. " Dad, do you still love me even if i never end up normal like other children? " I looked down at her, with her blank expression on her face. " Of course I will, Ayano. I'll always love you, you're my daughter, I just hope you make right decisions. " I smiled at her. "  Why do you force me to do these things then, Dad? " She said, fidgeting with her toy. " Because, Daddy thinks the answer to why you feel this way is because you don't have something positive that inspires you. ". 

" What if none of these inspire me? "

" I'm sure one day something will. " 

" I don't think it will. " 

" Whys that? " 

" Every time I try to do normal kid stuff, I still feel like this "

" Like you're empty? " 

" Like I'm empty, maybe Moms right. I think the only way for me to find what makes me happy is to find the right person. "  

I don't know why, but  hearing my daughter say these things made me break down. Her admitting she can't be fixed hurt me. Her mother getting into her head hurts even more. I continuously sobbed, putting my hands on my face. I felt Ayano wrapping around me giving me a big hug. I hugged her back, it gave me comfort to know she has sympathy. Even if she's doing it out of pity. 

After that day, Ayano started showing more expression, I started being grateful for whatever changed her mind. I'm glad to see my little girl smiling. It gives me faith in the world that I'll have something to look forward too. It shows me that my parenting and preaching hasn't been all for nothing. 

But, will this be the same for highschool.