Alister Academy

Fine

Fuck my life.

Today is just great.

Note the fucking sarcasm.

Blake has been ignoring me all day. I don't know why. Maybe he remembers yesterday. Fuck. I knew he was gonna hate me.

I need a goddamn smoke before I combust.

I walk to the window of the dorm and open it. The winter air entering the warm room. I light up a cigarette and inhale the smoke slowly letting it fill my lungs then I let it out. I repeat the process until their isn't anything left. That's when I throw it out the window.

I'm so fucking stupid. I had a great friend and now I just ruined it and it's all my fault and I probably don't even deserve to talk to him. He probably know that now. That's why he isn't talking to me.

I need to go for a walk.

•••••••••••••••••

I've been walking around the lake for like three hours and I still feel like shit.

Damn Blake for being so goddamn hot.

I wanna die in a hole.

Maybe if I go live in Canada I won'r have to see him ever again.

Yep I'll just leave and never come back.

If only I actually had some money.

FUCK. i fell over a mother fucking stick. Owww. My fucking leg hurts like a bitch.

I try to get up and I just fall again.

I sigh and lay back. If I die at least I'll die skinny. Wow. That got dark.

"Julie?" I hear a voice I know all too well.

"What." I say a little harsher than I meant to. But fuck him. He can't just not talk to me for a day and be all "lEtS bE fRiEnDs" he can go fuck himself if he thinks that how this is gonna go down.

"Are you ok? What are you doing out at 8 o'clock in the night?" He asks questions as if he actually cares.

"Oh you know, just thought I would trip over a log and break my ankle. Isn't it just great weather to do so?"

"Why the fuck are you so angry?" He asks

"Huh I don't know how about the fact you have been ignoring me the whole day. I don't even know what I fucking did wrong!" I exclaim because I am sick of being ignored.

"Love, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring you, but trust me when I say I have just been busy." He says softly.

Well now I just feel stupid.

Maybe he doesn't remember what he did. Thank god for that.

"Let's go back to the dorm. The guys are all out so it's just us." He tells me.

Well that's just great. I'm gonna be alone with him in our dorm. Fuck.

I would like that- no. no I wouldn't.

He helps me stand up and walks me to our dorm room.

When we get there I get into pjs and lay in my bed and put on the 100 because it is the best thing ever.

I get comfy in my bed and watch my show when Blake taps my shoulder.

"Yes?" I say looking at him.

"Can I lay with you?" He asks.

"Uhh, sure." I say. I don't know why I said yes but I did.

Without another word he gets under the blanket and holds me close to him. It's nice and worm. I feel safe in his arms.

After laying down for a while I close my eyes almost asleep when he says something unexpected.

"I wish I could tell you how I feel. But I can't because I know that you probably don't feel the same and I would ruin what we have together."

Wow.

Just...wow

Ain't no way he just said that.

Now I definitely can't sleep with that shit running around in my mind.

I wait until he falls asleep til I walk on the roof for a smoke.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so lost.

But I'm not.

I'm here but I'm not here, you know?

•••••••••••

A/N: hey guys. How are you? You guys just heard Blake confess his feelings to a 'sleeping' Julie.
Ily 🥰
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