An angel's voice. || Fyolai ||

11.⊹What are we?

⚠︎Nikolai's gay awakening 😔

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Nikolai sat at the port, the cool breeze from the sea ruffling his hair as he stared out at the endless expanse of water. The sky was a canvas of twilight hues, with the sun dipping low, casting a golden glow across the waves. The scent of salt and the distant call of seagulls filled the air, but Nikolai's mind was elsewhere, replaying the events of the previous night.

He and Fyodor had been drinking, the warm buzz of vodka making them laugh louder and speak more freely. They had been sitting just like this, talking about everything and nothing, their words blending with the night. And then, in a moment of drunken boldness, Nikolai had leaned in and kissed him.

It was a heated kiss, full of the passion and recklessness that alcohol often brings. Fyodor's lips had been soft, his breath warm and mingling with Nikolai's. For a second, time had stood still, and all that existed was that kiss. The world around them faded, leaving only the intense connection they shared in that fleeting moment.

Now, in the sober light of day, Nikolai's thoughts were a whirlwind of confusion and longing. Had Fyodor felt the same spark, the same electricity that had coursed through Nikolai's veins? Or had it just been the alcohol, making them both act on impulses they wouldn't have otherwise considered?

He could still feel the ghost of Fyodor's lips on his, the memory as vivid as if it had just happened. His heart ached with uncertainty and a strange, newfound desire. What did this mean for their friendship? Nikolai couldn't help but wonder as he watched the gentle ebb and flow of the tide.

The sea seemed to mirror his turbulent emotions, its surface calm but hiding depths of untold complexity. He knew he had to talk to Fyodor, to confront the reality of what had happened between them. But for now, he just needed a moment to sit here, at the edge of the world, and think about that kiss.

Nikolai soon decided to go home and continue his thinking there. Which he did. For a long time.

Nikolai sat alone in his small, dimly lit apartment, the soft hum of the city outside a distant backdrop to his swirling thoughts. The kiss with Fyodor had opened a floodgate of emotions and questions he had kept buried for far too long. He paced the room, his mind racing with confusion and introspection.

He couldn't stop thinking about that moment, about how natural and right it had felt, despite the alcohol-induced haze. Was it just the liquor that had made him act on a hidden desire? Or was it something deeper, a truth about himself that he had been too afraid to acknowledge?

Nikolai had always assumed he was straight. His relationships with women had been fulfilling enough, if not always passionate. But now, in the quiet of his own company, he wondered if he had been ignoring a part of himself, a part that yearned for more than what he had allowed himself to feel.

He thought about his past, sifting through memories for any signs he might have missed. There were moments of admiration for other men, feelings he had dismissed or explained away. He had always been good at rationalizing, at convincing himself that these fleeting attractions were nothing significant. But now, in the light of this new experience, those justifications seemed hollow.

Nikolai sat down heavily on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. Was he gay? Bisexual? The labels felt both restrictive and inadequate. All he knew was that his feelings for Fyodor had shaken him to his core, making him question everything he thought he knew about himself.

Nikolai sat on his couch, phone in hand, his thumb hovering over Fyodor's contact. The room was quiet, save for the rhythmic ticking of the wall clock, each second amplifying his indecision. The screen glowed faintly, illuminating his face as he stared at Fyodor's name, a jumble of thoughts and emotions swirling inside him.

Nikolai sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried to make sense of it all. He knew he needed to talk to Fyodor, to address the elephant in the room. But how could he approach it without causing pain or driving a wedge between them? The prospect of such a conversation felt daunting, almost insurmountable.

Part of him desperately wanted to call, to hear Fyodor's voice and perhaps find some clarity in this tangled mess of feelings. He replayed the kiss in his mind, feeling the heat of it, the intensity, the connection. He needed to know if Fyodor felt the same, if it had meant something more than just a drunken mistake.

But then the fear crept in. What if Fyodor didn't feel the same? What if the kiss had been nothing but a fleeting moment of inebriated recklessness for him? Nikolai couldn't bear the thought of losing their friendship, of things becoming awkward and strained between them. He valued Fyodor's companionship too much to risk it in a conversation that might end badly.

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. What if he was overthinking it? Maybe Fyodor was sitting somewhere, wrestling with the same doubts and questions, waiting for Nikolai to make the first move. The uncertainty was maddening.

Nikolai leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment. He needed to talk to someone, to share his confusion and get an outside perspective. But no one knew him like Fyodor did. Fyodor, who had been there through thick and thin, who understood him in ways no one else did.

Taking a deep breath, Nikolai opened his eyes and looked at his phone again. He knew that whatever the outcome, he had to address this. He couldn't continue living in this state of limbo, torn between fear and hope. He needed to know where they stood.

With a resolve that felt both fragile and firm, Nikolai finally pressed the call button. The phone rang once, twice, three times, each ring echoing his heartbeat. And then, he heard Fyodor's voice on the other end, a simple "Hello?" that held all the promise and uncertainty of the world.

"Hey, Fyodor," Nikolai began, his voice steady despite the storm of emotions within him. "Can we talk about last night?"

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OMG ME PUBLISHING ANOTHER PART? 😨

Also, everyone. I understand that many people like bottom Nikokai, but in this story it's going to be mainly top Nikolai and bottom Fyodor. I feel like both are switch, but Nikolai more of a top.

1110 words.