Since The Day I Met You

Since the day I met you,

I've had a crush on you.

I might even go as far as to say

that I've loved you since the first time I saw you,

but while I'm young enough

to be caught up in dreams that will never pan out,

I'm old enough to know that's I've not yetexperienced love,

and that when I do,

as fate would have it,

it won't be with you.

Still since that first meeting

I felt something inside of me stir that had been mostly dormit,

upuntil that day.

I had always felt it,

somewherein the back of my mind,

but unti lyou,

wherever it demanded a space front and center,

it had been quickly pushed aside by more pressing issues.

But with you it wasn't like that,

what I felt keep growing and growing

untilI though it would swallow me whole.

You didn't have a clue ofcourse

and I've yet to decide if that was a blessing

or a curse.

Maybe it doesn't matter,

even if it did

I know I will never to anything to change that,

even though sometimes I want to.

Regardless we've had our moments;

holding hands iceskating, steadying each-other

you dumping a clump of ice down the front of my shirt

and then tying my skate when it came lose,

sleeping side by side at a mutual friend's sleepover

and trading pjs,

awkward phone calls from you

that I somehow always missed

and my even more awkward return calls,

teachers

and classes

and homework,

hopes

fears

dreams

laughter

and tears.

Somehow we've had it all

and yet we've had nothing at all.

And somehow I think I'm starting to be ok with that.

Maybe.