Blind Angels Always Fall Into Bloodied Arms.

He Welcomed Your Hell Into his Arms.

𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻

☆ Again & Again - the bird and the bee

☆This Charming Man - The Smiths

☆Burning Desire - Lana Del Rey

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How could one's waiting room manage to look more put together and more expensive than one's entire apartment? Although I might have been unsure about spending over an hour of my time trying to find something presentable to wear, I was now sure as hell that it was an hour well spent. Given how many therapists had just decided to let go of me or refer me to another therapist I was even more inclined to look presentable and look like I actually had my shit together even though I knew I didn't really have it all in order. My past therapist had recommended that I get a referral to a psychiatrist, because according to her, I was unsalvageable. Look I get it, childhood issues, runaway kid, family pressure, perverse actions on other men's behalves which obviously lead to trust issues, and only added to the fatherly issues I already had. But still I'm sure there was much worse, and to be fair these issues had made me more paranoid for the good of the world. And to be frank, I had initially turned to therapy to have someone to confess to who would help me be more attuned to my emotions and how situations I had been put in could influence the way I act with other people. Yet after all of this here I was. Still processing how poor Abigail's attempt to survive, chased her back down the hill and bit her in the arse before she could free herself from her father, or Hades' grasp. For all I knew, I could have lost my best friend, my last sense of family. So psychiatry was definitely the best way to get my tormented mind off of the month's issues. My train of thought was interrupted by a voice laced with a foreign accent.

"Y/N, L/N?" there's no way. I thought to myself. Since when has my name sounded so perfect? Or was it just the fact that it was his lips that were pronouncing it. Gosh get a grip y/n he's your psychiatrist for god's sake! You haven't even talked to him beforehand, Jesus. I guess my body does react faster than my mouth because I was now standing and walking towards the door that he held open.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Lecter. I appreciate you being able to find an availability for me."

"You're most welcome. one's soul does need to open up to another once in a while, doesn't it? Please come in and take a seat."

For once I wished that a man could speak for eternity and never stop. What a voice and what an office. Everything seemed so well put together quite like himself, sitting across each other in leather arm chairs. He crossed his legs, settling himself comfortably. To whoever invented suits, I owe you my soul because this man makes them look like a god of some sort used to wear them before he did.

"Your office is like walking into a museum, it's truly gorgeous." Someone needs to put a limit on my words dear lord PLEASE help me out here.

"I like to believe that a man's office is a reflection of his brain and heart. It's truly a look into one's personal life on a superficial level. On the note of one's personal life, tell me what brings you to seek psychiatric help."

"I mean, was my file not clear enough or did I forget to send it I'm-" I got cut off before I could finish ranting about how forgetful I could get.

"y/n. I read your file, and I'm aware of your history, but a patient's file is just simplified words for a bigger problem printed out onto paper. So, allow me to rephrase my question for you; what makes you believe that psychiatry will be the better option for you?"

Suddenly questions became impossible to answer, because I didn't know how to answer properly.

"Putting my emotions into words has always been a challenge for me, however I guess I might have a way to properly express it. I'm seeking psychiatric help because of a recent realization. My best friend got herself into some messed up story which made me realize how easily people can get manipulated into doing whatever someone might want them to. As the file might have said it, I've had my fair share of events that started my trust issues, this best friend situation has only affected them more. Yet I'm still so naive to most situations and if I'm being honest, I'd just like to be more attuned with my emotions and try to diminish my trust issues."

"Would you be able to tell me more about your previous torments?"

torments, that was one way of putting them i thought.

"I used to work at a private tennis club, and as one might know, the older crowd hangs out there quite a bit, and some tend to try and take advantage of the girls working there. Overworking them is one thing, but some got... Touchy with me. These men knew the majority of the staff was underage, and as most would suspect, wouldn't tell a soul in fear of losing their job. Since then, I've had my issues with older men and men in general."

"It's truly something to be proud of to be able to confide in a man beyond your years that you've nearly just met. Now that we share the same mind on your past situations, care to enlighten me on your realization?"

He may have been right about my issues with older men and how he was significantly older, but something about him seemed welcoming, like a father who would praise his daughter for whatever she would accomplish. Or a master who would reward his dog for being a 'good girl' or a 'good boy'.

"Growing up, I'd often blamed myself for other people's fights or mood, especially my parents. I always saw myself as the issue, the one who, when she was born, brought hell over the whole family. Words my father would say weren't like someone getting mad; they were simple and well-chosen remarks to bring a child down. I remember either spilling some milk on the counter or drawing on my hand and simply being a child learning how to be a part of society and getting reprimanded for it. As I grew up, I sort of..."

"Saw the world from a third perspective?" he replied as if he could read my eyes and know what went on in my head.

"...Yes. More or less. I began recalling events of my past and thinking how could one be so harsh on a growing child? Even worse, your own child. I don't quite know how to express how it made me feel, but I felt lighter"

"Perhaps, you felt as if the guilt you projected onto yourself as a child slipped away as you connected the dots of your own self orchestrated downfall? Your parents getting into a fight was a situation they had gotten themselves into by the downfall of their own mental connect the dots. But by realizing that the guilt projected onto yourself was simply the guilt and harm others felt and didn't fear to show in your presence, you realized that you were never the issue. However, although this may have been traumatic, it helped shape you into a resilient person now able to spot when one is projecting their worries and issues onto you. You're an empath y/n to a very strong level, that when others feel pain, you feel as if to make their pain lighter you have to drown yourself in it."

That. That's what I needed someone to tell me. Drowning. That described it perfectly, a feeling I grew fond of while growing up. The weight of the water in your lungs as you try to swim to the surface only, making you heavier as Poseidon grasps you and continues to pull you towards the dark of the cold blue water.

"I can see how you're so renowned. You really know how to put thoughts into words."

The ghost of a smile teased his face.

"Perhaps I'll be able to do the same during our next hour? This was an enlightening first session y/n, I look forward to seeing more of you."

He looked forward to seeing more of me? Well, I looked forward to seeing more of him, in... both senses of the word.

"Thank you again for being so accommodating with me, I'll be seeing you next Thursday"

The walk out of his office and into my car was one of the best ones I'd ever had. I felt free. Maybe my chance of finding my ideal life was possible in Baltimore. Who knows? Maybe I could find a nice suburban house, get married, have kids... get a grip y/n! that'd be unethical. If people found out that is...

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Thank you so much for reading this chapter!!