Anemoia

PART I CHAPTER I: THE BEGINNING OF THE END

MAY, 2014

I was really upset to leave our house. I was three years old, and I have been told I loved living in the fields. We lived in a little house. My parents had to travel every day to get to work: my mom at a local police station and my dad in telecommunications.

Our house was in a small town, full of children just like me. Apparently, I loved it there. My mom said that it made me happy just to see the sun rise, to see the sun set, to see the sky morph into different colors. I loved to see rainbows, and I loved to see the flowers bloom in spring, shifting to the rainy season. I admired nature the way it was.

In the summer, I used to swim in a lake that was really close to town. Even though I was pretty small and mischievous, I would be careful with it. I can tell I enjoyed my first years.

So, this is the beginning, where it all started. I try to remember anything that happened before, but this is where I always end up. I can't even begin to describe the memory, it was... something. It was the beginning of it all anyway.

I was sitting on a train. I was looking at my father and my sister, who sat next to each other. I don't remember how I got into the train. I don't remember anything before I was looking at them. Any other thing that I know that happened before that moment, I learnt after.

The train was pretty enough to be a normal public transport service. I looked around with joy, but I know I was upset. It was the first time I felt happy and sad at the same time. I didn't know why though. My mind was speaking to me, afraid I wouldn't ever see my old home anymore. Not feeling completely happy it's confusing, but it may be beautiful. Without sadness, people wouldn't ever develop. The straight line we follow every day would become a circle, a loop of nothing.

I didn't know what moving to another place was. Right after I saw them, my mom, who was next to me, talked. She said we wouldn't ever go back. We had a new future far away from rice fields, from my early childhood. She was confident about it, which made me cry. I couldn't understand why both of my parents didn't show emotion, or seemed to care about leaving. It was a big decision for them, but how could I understand? I was moving ahead to the city, far, far away from my home. They were seeking job opportunities.

My older sister, Koharu, was old enough to understand the situation. She stood up from her seat and came by my side. She hugged me tightly and told me everything would be alright. I really wish it would've been like that. She always made me feel better in my worst times, when I lost myself in illogical ideas about the world.

My mom hugged me too. My dad didn't though. He was thinking about something else while he looked out the window. I understand him now. I would have been doing the same. In fact, after my mom hugged me, I got curious on why my dad was looking through it. I continued to copy his behavior, and I don't regret it. A new door opened, a new door to my country's beauty.

I got hooked up with the trees. I felt the breeze even though I wasn't feeling it. I was probably remembering the fields, home. Spring had already done its thing. Many Sakura trees had bloomed, making the scenery become pink. I got attached to trains from that very moment. I loved every single thing about the view. I loved everything that lay around. The train went past so many different places, and passed so many lives.

From the lakes, the grass, the trees, the creeks, the rivers and the little towns to the big cities, the sky, the vehicles, the lights and the highways. It made me feel alive. It was a sunny and joyful day. The only thing that was holding me back from being completely happy, was the fact that I wouldn't see my own home anymore. However, I have always been quick at understanding and adapting to situations. I quickly understood what would come, even though I felt pain deep inside of me. It did hurt me. I cried a couple of times.