TraumaGenic: A Therian Awakening

Foreign Skin

Have you ever felt out of place in your own body? Not in terms of weight, but in the sense that your body doesn't align with your mind. As a masc lesbian, I've always had a complicated relationship with my body; it's never felt quite right, but it was mine. Now, though, it feels foreign.
"Take your time, Amelia. It's not like we're late or anything. I'll wait, like you always make me do," Jennifer whined from across the hall.
I cringed at the name Amelia. I prefer Harlow, but mentioning that to my mom would be a disaster. I slipped into my plaid, red, short-sleeve top, fluffed up my curtain mullet, adjusted my glasses, and grabbed my school bag, clutching my leather journal by my side.

Despite my mom's disapproval, the ride to school offered a rare sense of peace and solace. We lived on the edge of a forest, and the journey had a calming effect. The scenery was captivating, stealing my eyes from the world and taking them through a tunnel of trees so tall they touch the sky and dense scrub scattered across the floor. Lately, it was the only place that truly felt like home. The forest seemed to call to me, whispering that I belonged within its depths. It beckoned me to lose myself among its leaves, to climb its branches, and to follow the winding stream until my legs could carry me no further. It was as if the forest was inviting me to surrender to its embrace, to let it consume my soul and become part of its wooden maze.

The wheels scraped against the concrete driveway of the school. "Bye, have fun at schoooool," my mom sang in a cheerful sing-song voice. "Aren't you going to give me a hug?" she insisted, pulling me by the collar of my top and holding me in a way that felt rehearsed, part of her daily performance, before finally letting me go.Why would I want her embrace? She never cared for me as a kid. I practically raised myself, alone, with no one to guide me. I had to beg her for even a moment of her time, and still, it was rarely given. I was always forced to eat foods my tongue couldn't handle, textures that repulsed me, and I was constantly harassed for any tiny mistake or accident. I thought about all of this as I headed towards the school gates, wondering why she bothered with the facade at all.

As I entered the school gate, I felt something long and soft, like a cat's tail, brushing against my skin and hitting my legs as I walked. The sensation felt oddly natural, sending goosebumps up my body. When I turned to look, there was nothing there. Had there really been anything there to begin with?

Without thinking too much of it, I headed to first period AP12 English Literature. Being a few lessons ahead, I took my seat at the back and pulled out my Dutch novel, De één Leeft, de Ander Sterft by Ventali Onigod. Onigod is a fantastic, fascinating author, well-known for their subtle foreshadowing and extensive vocabulary. But today, I couldn't concentrate. Normally, being the straight A student, this wouldn't be a problem. However, my thoughts were flashing wildly—from the jungle to Jennifer, to school, to tawny cats. What am I missing? Tawny cats? Narcissistic parent? The forest? These things just don't add up! My frustration boiled over, and I let out a fiery scream. The entire class turned to stare at me in shock."Harlow! It's not fair to disturb other classmates. We do not tolerate that behavior in this school! Suspension!" Mr. Johnstone bellowed, his voice echoing through the room."Fuck," I whispered to myself. My mom's going to kill me. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and my fingers curled against the desk in a tight grip. I left the classroom, trying to hide my face with my hair, dreading the consequences that awaited me when my mom returned from work.

I dragged my feet through the deserted corridors, the panic attack kicking in, my mum didn't really care, she thought I was just being dramatic. Why was I suspended for something so small? How am I going to tell my mom? What's wrong with me? I'm not a little kid anymore, I shouldn't be acting like this. The walk home was threatening, knowing my mum would arrive within a few hours, I look around dazed and worried, a Forrest detour? I sigh to myself, why not?
The forest is beautiful, every tree is different, the moss is a cloud of softness and the stream runs through my ears, creating a relaxation that is enhanced by the chirping of nearby birds.

In the distance I notice a figure, it resembles a four legged creature, it has the face of a golden retriever, a tail too and hair like fireworks in all directions as I stumble closer hiding behind trees and keeping my distance until I notice it's a young girl about my age running and jumping on all fours wearing a golden retriever mask with a matching tail, her skin is dark and covered in light spots, I've read about it in medical preparation class, it's vitiligo, but that doesn't bother me, but the girl who's crawling through the forest on all fours? Hmm, watching her I feel like I should be on all fours.
Suddenly my words slide from my mouth as she leaps through the sky landing perfectly like some kind of animal.
"What the hell?"