ᗪOᖇᗰ 222 | 𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙾𝙾

11:07 pm

"You know I never wanted a child, especially not one like this!" She yelled at me like I was a walking thing with no feelings at all.

But did I really have any feelings other than bad ones left anymore?

I was never treated like a proper child. I was never loved or cared like one. I was an unwanted child who was nothing but a nuisance.

You see, my dad actually took care of me until I was five, but he chose drugs and alcohol over me and that's why I had to go live with my mom.

For 12 years I've lived with someone who feels more like a stranger than a mom to me.

On top of that, I had been bullied all my life, for no specific reason. It finally stopped when I got into college, but I couldn't make any friends here.

That's why I have been struggling and feeling unlovable and distant for my whole life. I don't remember the last time I even smiled.

"Yell me all you want, it won't change anything. When I turn 18, I'll be out of your way." I sighed and left the kitchen, her still screaming her lungs out.

I entered my room and threw myself on the bed. I started scrolling through social media, seeing people my age go out and have fun. I really want to know what that would feel like.

I put the phone down and tried to sleep.

11:07 pm

00:56 am

01:34 am

02:47 am

Just like that, time passed and I couldn't get a hint of sleep. It's nothing new, it's been going on for a long time.

-

I was half asleep in the middle of math class. I had fallen asleep 30 minutes before my alarm. I tried to get the work done but the pen felt so heavy to hold I kept dropping it.

"Kim Doyoung! Focus please." The teacher yelled when I was about to fall off my chair.

Just one more hour and I'm out of here. Then I can drown all my thoughts in the nearby bar. I didn't want to turn out like my dad, but drinking took me to a space where I didn't have to worry about anything.

-

I entered the dimly lit bar, a couple people here and there. I always went to this place when I felt like it because they never check ID's.

"Just one beer, please." I told the bartender, knowing one beer will turn into five or six.

-

I was drunk. I noticed it when the world around me started spinning like crazy. Everything was funny. The colorful alcohol bottles, the blasting music and the other people having fun.

I thought I should get going so I can make it home alive. But little did I know how drunk I actually was.

I was walking towards the door but everything was so blurry and I felt suddenly so dizzy. That's when my memory was cut.