Harry Potter the Power Unknown By Priya Ashok

Chapter 20

Harry ran down to the gardens and then ran through them, his eyes blinking furiously. He was angry with everyone and most of all with himself. Angry and ashamed that he could feel so jealous of the happiness that Alice and Neville were sharing after fifteen years of sheer torture and misery.

He went to the woods that lay beyond the gardens and was still within the wards and went to his favorite place, a small lake from which a tiny stream started and went underground just before the boundaries of the castle and threw himself on the ground and hit his fist on the ground in shame, anger, frustration and sheer longing, longing for a love like what he had just witnessed.

A second later three more bodies threw themselves on the ground alongside him and Harry looked up startled as he had been unaware of everything except his own misery. Snape and Sirius sat down on either side of Harry, and Snape fiercely hugged Harry to him, and a second later Sirius did just the same, with Remus holding on to his hands in front where he was sitting.
Snape just held him, without speaking anything and Sirius and Remus were also uncharacteristically silent, waiting for Harry to say something.

"I feel so ashamed," Harry started in a low voice after almost half an hour, "ashamed of being jealous of Neville, when he has suffered so much till now. I have got all of you who have done so much for me, but when I saw that look on Mrs. Longbottom's face as she looked at Neville and the way both of them hugged each other…" Harry trailed off, "I wanted it for me, for my mother to do that for me. I feel so bad." His voice broke on the last word.

Snape and the other two looked at each other helplessly, their hearts aching at the longing that Harry had in his voice, the unconscious need he showed for wanting his parents' and their love. He knew they had loved him, but he needed physical touch and mental proof of that and that was something James and Lily could not give him; that was not to be in this world for him and he had to accept it, otherwise he would not be at peace with himself, ever.

Snape wiped the tears Harry did not know he had shed, "There is no shame in feeling that you wish your mother were here, Harry and there is no harm in feeling that want when you saw Alice and Neville, as these feelings of want are kindled in you when you saw the completeness they had. And you don't have to feel ashamed for being jealous of Neville as well. These feelings are natural and will slowly fade with time."

Snape or the others honestly did not know how to comfort Harry as none of them had any experience in dealing with emotional issues of this nature. While all of them had faced rejection from their families and the society as a whole, and while all of them craved for acceptance from their families, they had not yearned as Harry did for the parents' he had never known. That was something they had never felt. They had been fighting for acceptance from their parents' not yearning just for their presence.

All of them were silent for some time giving Harry the space he needed and Harry too, slowly came to terms with himself, as he leaned on a fiercely protective Snape who was still clutching him as if to save him, and Harry at that moment needed the hugs he received from Snape and Sirius and the comfort from Remus who was still holding his hand.

The longing would not go away, but with time it would fade to an acceptable feeling of missing out on a special something rather than the massive ache that it was now. Time would bring other people who would give Harry other types of affection and love like Snape, Sirius and Remus had given him, and that would slowly suffice.

All of them sat there thinking on various things and it was typically Snape who went from this to another problem that had been festering in his mind since Alice Longbottom had spoken.