Scratch Notes: A Collection of Brain Dumps

Baby Steps

03/03/2024

30 minutes left until my shift ends. My boss came out to check the situation outside because we were going to close the shop, and we were just waiting to sell all the leftovers. A little background about her being a boss: She is a very caring and considerate boss. She randomly asks her staff how we are, about our school, our health, and so on. Particularly, she always reminds me to eat more and take care of myself (since I recently injured my wrist and I'm living alone). She also asks about my sleeping habits because my eye bags are visible. Maybe because among the staff she has, I am the youngest and I've been working for her for more than a year. She suddenly asks, "How is your new place? Did you sleep well?" I said, "Yes, the place is very quiet." She then replied, "I see because you look different. You look fresh and you have improved. That's good." As she was going back inside, I said, "Thank you."

I returned to doing my stuff and smiled to myself. Wow. I didn't realize I had improvements. "Baby steps," as one of my friends told me about getting better. I don't need to rush things to get healed. Healing takes time, and I'm on my way there. This is a good sign for me that I'm getting better. Not now, but soon.

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I recently moved because my lease in my previous house, which is near the beach, is done. On my third day sleeping here, I like it. It is so quiet here, which I kinda love because I love living in a quiet place. I don't know why, but it is my comfort zone. From time to time, I hear the sounds of planes passing by. I haven't explored the whole neighborhood yet since I don't have time. I am working forty minutes away from my place right now, and it would be late when I arrived home. Maybe next week, I will start exploring the neighborhood on my next off day. Also, the people that I'm living with are very kind and generous to me. They make me feel at home and even share their food with me.

Acceptance. That should be the first step since healing starts if you already accept the fate that the universe lets you experience. It allows us to move forward without any hindrance to the negative emotions that we feel. By accepting it, we can forgive, which is where the forgiveness phase comes in. We may forgive, but we never forget. We choose to forgive people regardless of how painful their actions were toward us, but we still remember what happened and the impact their actions had on us. Forgiving doesn't mean we will erase the memory of wrongdoings or the things that hurt us. By doing so, we allow ourselves to move forward and realize what kind of people are out there. It acknowledges the memory that has been done, but it no longer holds the trust, the value you have for that specific person, and the power over us to dictate our emotions or actions. Even if it is hard and people won't give you the forgiveness you deserve, still, forgive them for your own good and growth.

I'm thankful that this happened to me. For the reason that this taught me not to trust people I've just met for a short period of time and to be cautious about who I let into my life. It taught me to keep myself isolated and to carefully choose who should be able to enter my life. Not because they show me how good they are or how important I am to them, but I will still be vigilant because we never know what will happen next. Be careful whose trust you give; you might be feeding a snake that will harm you later on.

Trust your gut feelings in some ways. When I say, "I won't give my 100% trust to that person," I mean it. Guess what? That person did something harmful to me later on. I used to doubt my gut instincts, but now I won't because someone has already proven it.