Swear Jar

First Coin

In seventh grade, I didn't like boys my age. The entire year, I had my eyes on you — a senior in the sports club I had signed up for.

I told my best friend that it was just a teeny-weeny crush so he would shut up whenever we saw you on the school grounds and during training. But silently, during that time, it felt more. Like it was a huge admiration that was taking up a large space in my chest and even reaching down to my tummy like butterflies because you were so nice and modest and always gentle. 

Once, we walked home together with the team, and on our way, it suddenly started drizzling. I have an umbrella in my bag but didn't bring it out because no one in the group opened theirs. As if we knew the pouring would stay light, and we enjoyed it.

You were walking patiently behind us, alone. While we rookies along with other seniors teased each other and were mindlessly creating a playful turbulence in your way. 

I looked back at you. You smiled and took off your leather ivy cap. You put it on me.

"WHY????", I screamed in my head and my insides went into a frenzy.

"Nauulanan ka" you reasoned even without hearing my reaction, perhaps it showed in my face. Embarrassing.

I cannot remember how we ended up walking beside one another. Our steps slowed. No one noticed, except me. How in an instant, everyone was in front of us and we walked side by side behind them in silence.

And I swear, at that moment, I wished our house were farther but near yours. That would mean more time walking together, and me wearing something that is yours. So I could be with you longer.  I didn't want to part ways. But I had to. I'd be lost if I went your way because that path was not mine to follow. 

Anyhow, the light rain ceased.

You didn't say a word but it was clear that you were not giving it to me, and that I shouldn't assume I could keep it. Eventually, I returned your cap even though I really wanted to take it with me. Yikes.