Outta of the window: life story

Chapter One: Lost

"I used to be the happiest girl in the world." That's what I always tell myself when I cry.
I always seem to cry all the time, well.. I do. why?

I'm Lia, and until two years ago, my life was happy until I lost my grandmother. She was the most important person to me in the whole universe, and she was the only one who understood me, and even sometimes, without words, just going to her is what heals me. Until she got cancer. The doctors told her she had six months left, but she managed to live with the cancer for 5 years! In her last year, it deteriorated, and she was often in hospital. I came to visit her the day she died, and that's why it's hard for me to get over it.
Since then, things have started to go wrong. The whole family is always fighting, my mother with her brothers and the brothers with each other, and also my grandfather. I was depressed, I couldn't smile a lot and sometimes I even thought about suicide, there were a lot of things that overwhelm me and attack me at night, I often have stress attacks, it's hard for me to breathe and sometimes I just collapse on the floor and try to regulate my breathing, thoughts of my grandmother run In my head and I don't stop missing.. and the hardest thing is that I had to go through it alone.