Chocolate love

Chapter1

I was staring at the grayish graves in front of me for the last two hours.

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe for them to push the heavy damn stones to hell and rise up from the -wet by the rain- ground. For them to take my hands and shake my shoulders, to tell me I'm late to school and to stop dreaming so much. To make it all an actual dream and not a living nightmare.
Someone is touching my back for real now and i feel the chills all over my stoned frozen body.

It's not my parents, no, they're buried under the freaking ground with no special plans to wake up anytime soon. No, that was my old aunt Rosie looking terribly tired and obviously worn out from crying and from trying to pretend she's ok all at once. Dark circles surrounded her red swollen eyes and she was as pale as her well used Handkerchief.

"Chen", she was mumbling through trembling red painted lips, "we should go, a rain storm is about to start and you can catch a cold" her hands weren't strong on my bent back but i could feel them like they were made out of fire, stinging my still grieving body. I refused to look at her as i rose up and put my hands in the -fancy for nothing - tuxedo's pockets. I knew she wasn't judging me but anyway I was too distracted to care. My uncle's old van was waiting in the parking lot and we were dashing to that direction slowly, our faces freezing as heck from the icy rain drops that gave me another reason to shiver. It was cheesy how this day couldn't be any worse then this. The weather was awful and the roads were packed. It took us an hour and a half to reach back home from the cemetery, a drive that was supposed to take no longer then twenty minutes. Uncle Jim got out of the van and went straight to his room while aunt Rosie went to the kitchen to start cooking dinner.

"Chen,would you mind-" she started but I was already in my room locking the door twice and collapsing on the unmade bed. I knew I was being a jerk, after all she was suffering just as well. my mother was her sister in law and uncle jim's real sister.

But...they were my parents. F*** ing my parents and I didn't know how to keep going from here. I was terrified and surly in still kind of shock. Everything around me made me mad. I wanted to rip out the curtains and knock all of the books off my shelf. I hated books and i hated reading . I thought it was boring and useless and why read about somebody's else adventure when you can go on your own one? I thought people who loved to read were trying to escape reality but i never did. I loved everything about my life. I was the head captain of the football team. I was popular and I could have any girl I wanted so to me, books weren't a must, not in this life at least..

but..nobody ever bothered to tell you when the prefect life ends and you begin to feel dead to everything. There's no sign in the middle of the road that prepares you to all of these upcoming changes. You're supposed to greet it with open arms and deal with it. like playing catch with a boom. It was late but not too late so i decided I'm gonna try and do the last thing i would ever think about doing. Read.

My mother LOVED to read. She was actually about to publish a book about being a perfect mom and yet the worse wife. It was supposed to be a comedy book and she was using me and my dad as the leading characters. My dad was crazy about my mom and it seemed like he was falling for her every day all over again even though they were fourteen when they met for the first time and were boyfriend and girlfriend since then. My father used to tell me that i shouldn't worry because when the right girl will come i will just know it. Everything will suddenly be beautiful in any which way and even the bad things won't look as bad as they should anymore. Its not like i was worried or something. Who even thought about getting ready in age 19 ?! But he just kept making sure i knew it while i used to play around with any girl i wanted.

Right now i didn't care if he'll come here and give me one of these really long lectures about being myself and never let anything bring me down. I just wanted him to be here. To be alive...

Eventually the never ending silence was interrupted when aunt Rosie was knocking on the door quietly. "Chen, honey, can i come in? I brought you some pancakes with syrup. I know its not really supper but..the hell with the rules" there was a color of amusement in her voice and i wanted to hold on to it, to the hope that this is not the end of the world and the voice of laughter wouldn't be abandoned from me for the rest of my life. I got up from my bed and jumped to the door to let her in. Aunt Rosie put the tray with the mouth watering pancakes on the bed and sat next to it as she was trying to decide what to do with her trembling hands.

"Are you ok love"? She whispered and her eyes trying to figure out my lost expression. I shrugged and sat on my desk chair, turning around and around till i felt like throwing up and went to the bed to try eat my "supper".

"Honey.." She was patting my hair now "you're going to be ok, i promise. I know it seems like nothing will matter anymore but slowly slowly and surely, everything will go back to normal you will see. " she was trying, she really did but at this moment, this real moment when i got a real confirmation that my parents are gone because of a car accident, i don't believe her and as much as i want to control my feelings and suck it up, i force her to get out of my room and keep throwing stuff till i find myself falling unconscious on the floor .....