My stepfather.

♡ chapter 17. ♡

"Hey can I sit next to you?"
Was the first thing romeo said to me for the first time we met. I agreed and ever since then we couldn't stop talking to each other everyday during class. And after a few months he asked me out to prom and we dated. The honeymoon phase was absolutely magical. Although we had our differences, in the beginning it was exciting, it was romantic, it everything i loved. He was the most popular boy in school and I was a complete introvert. Since he asked me out, everyone knew who I was and he introduced me to his huge group of popular friends where we would hang out all the time in the hallways or at the cafeteria. This is also how I met my best friend Valeria. It was basically a teenage high school dream cliché. I was delighted for once I had friends who felt close to family since I never had one. I was ready jump on anyone who gave me slightest bit of attention. And for a moment I had to say, I really enjoyed this attention. After only two months of dating romeo, he presented me his family. Although I felt quite rushed, I was really happy. But this also pressured me into making him meet my mom as well which I wasn't so excited about because well, it was my mom. Surprisingly, she ended up liking me a little more after she discovered how stupidly rich his parents were.

His parents though were absolutely perfect, the sweetest people ever. They were super respectful and treated me like I was theirs. There were times where I felt closer to his family than with him!
But a huge part of me would envy romeo. I was jealous. Jealous that he had a perfect and loving family with two parents who loved each other. And had a loving and healthy relationship. Jealous that he was wealthy, had a huge house, popular footballer in school, huge group of friends, sexy and he knew he looked good. All of this almost intimated me. I felt like I didnt belong with him. There were even times where I felt so overwhelmed. Why him and not me? Is what I would think about at 3a.m after a disgusting and violent argument with my mom. Where I reminisced about my lovely father and craved his presence biting my pillow screaming and crying, begging God to take me. And while I had to look my boyfriend's perfect little life, I hated him for being so ungrateful.
This also made my depression worse, when I'd go days without talking to him, he would always try to understand why. But I gave up do you know why?

Because how would he understand my misery, when he grew up in the most healthiest way possible. Each time I tried to tell him about my past or about my mother or my father, all he could say was "it's life baby you have to move on" or "i know its messed up but shes still your mother" after i told him the story of how my so called mother left me alone in our apartment for one day when i was ten years old because she had forgetten about me when stayed at her boyfriends. I couldn't blame him, I was happy for him, but I hated that i had to go through all of this and he couldn't understand me. because he had a perfect life. Nonetheless, I tried really hard for him. To be this perfect little dolly girlfriend. Didn't matter to him if I was scarred, depressed or traumatized, as long as I was pretty. And I would be lying if I said he never asked me about my mental health. But I always felt like a burden or guilty or even cringey whenever I would vent, so I would just shut up. Except for all these little details, I really liked him. Love was a big word, because if I was in love, I wouldn't feel this way towards james ever. I believed I was in love at the time with romeo because he was my first boyfriend. our relationship was the once again cliché stereotypical high school sweethearts. Everyone would envy us. And I liked this feeling, it made me feel important and powerful. His parents loved me so much they even offered to pay my college tuition after high school with romeo. But it wasn't my dream, I didn't want to go to college to study whatever his parents had planned for him. I wanted to study literature and art, get a job be independent. I didn't want to be dependent on him or his family, like my mother because look at her today.
But how could I say no? It would've been so impolite of me and ungrateful. Once again I agreed because I felt terribly guilty.

But after a while, or should I say, after meeting him. I realized how none of this was my jam. I didn't want to be popular, didn't want to have a huge friend group that just knew me because of my boyfriend. This wasn't me. I liked staying home, reading books, watching movies, going to the beach, do romantic sh*t without getting called corny. I didn't like high school parties, going out clubbing, meeting a lot of people. But I felt like this was who i needed to be with romeo, because I always felt I didn't deserve to be with him. It felt like if I did not put on a fake personality and pretended to like the things he liked, he would have lost interest in me. No matter everything, I liked him so so much. So much that I even forgave him for cheating on me once. I was satisfied and needed his presence depended on him deeply.
So just to please him, I went out with his friends, I did everything he liked doing. But he never even questioned my favourite interests. It was always romeos way. Whatever romeo wants, never what I wanted. I craved picnic dates, cinema dates, long walks on the beach, but again I felt like if I requested these things, he would simply found me corny or lost interest. He was loud and would crave the validation of his male friends more than me. I never realized how much of a show I was putting on until I met james. He made me feel like I could be myself, like I could talk to him about books or my favourite movies where he would actually be interested. He understood my situation at home with my mother. He had this non chalance and mysterious aura which made seek for more. He was quiet, smart, funny, everything i loved. Everything romeo was not. James made me realise that I needed a man, not a little boy.

He made me feel like a woman, like I was important, like I was beautiful and young. The way touched me would make me salivate. The way my body reacted to his on mine was something out of this world. And no matter how ashamed I was of it, I knew that deep down all I wanted was one person. I was tired of labels, of pretending, I wanted him forever.

And after these ongoing months, I felt finally ready to leave romeo. Leave him for his own good. I couldn't tell him the truth but he didnt deserve all of this. I felt like a monster, but the time came to leave him, to leave us, to leave this one year I spent by his side...