In the Summer

Chapter 8: alone

It's been three hours since Pete left for the day. He's probably on the beach by now, finding a lucky girl or guy to fuck. Or maybe he's getting drunk at the bar, Ryan serving him drink after drink on Brendon's tab. Whichever it is, Brendon doesn't care.

He hasn't left the hotel room. Hasn't even gotten up to shower. He stared down at his phone and sucked in a breath, his thumb hovering over the call button. Ryan's info is illuminated on his screen and within seconds he could be calling the man who left him so quickly last night. He doesn't though. He sets his phone back down with a huff and pulls his body up out of bed, the shirt Ryan left behind last night clinging to his chest. It's too tight on him, but it smells like Ryan so he kept it on all last night. Slept in it. He wanted to make sure Ryan could smell him on it when he have it back to the man.

Brendon doesn't know really what's happening to him. Doesn't know why all he can think about are those amber colored hues. Doesn't know why he dreams about that certain bartender. But he does. And it's freaking him the fuck out.

But it's not Ryan that's making him stay inside today. No, it's not about him at all. Today he woke up to a phone call from his grandmother, reminding him of the date, and telling him to stay strong. Yeah, like that was fucking possible. He knew his grandmother meant well but he didn't need to be reminded what today was. He knew. He knew it was coming up again. The call just made it hit him like a brick. He didn't need that fucking reminder in the form of his grandmother crying into the phone.

Brendon turned on the shower and sighed softly as he let the steam fill the room. He stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water pour down his body. He wanted desperately to stop feeling this pain shooting through his body.

The tears came quicker than expected, spilling down his face with the water. He knew if anyone saw him like this they'd never let him love it down. He needed to do this on his own. Break down and get over it. Just like he did every year.

***

Brendon pulled on a tight red t-shirt and black swim trunks before collapsing back onto his bed. It was three already. Soon the beach would be empty and Pete would be back to get ready for the club they were going to tonight. He stared at his phone again and sucked in a sharp breath. He wanted to see Ryan, and the fact that going to Ryan for comfort was even in his head scared the shit out of him.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts, thrusting him into reality. He let out a soft groan and stood up, wiping his red eyes gently before walking to the door and pulling it open. He's met by a soft pair of eyes looking over his face, landing on the bags under his eyes, still puffy from crying.

"You weren't down there during my shift i... I guess I got worried about you." Ryan says softly, moving his eyes down to his feet. "I kind of made that Pete guy tell me your room number..." Brendon just stares at him, knowing that there is no way to even talk to Ryan like this. Not if he wanted to keep his cool. "I mean.. It was one quick make out session and then he just let it out." Ryan moves his hand to the back of his neck, scratching behind his ear gently. A nervous tick, Brendon had the same one.

Ryan slides his way past Brendon into the room and Brendon sighs gently as he shuts the door, not at all wanting to face Ryan.

Ryan clears his throat slightly before letting out "hope I wasn't interrupting any--" When Brendon turns around he sees Ryan looking at him with sad eyes. Took him long enough to notice how weird Brendon is acting. "What's wrong?"

Brendon shakes his head gently and bites at his lower lip before forcing a smirk onto his lips. "What makes you think anything is wrong?"

"Well I'm in your bedroom, right next to your bed and you haven't tried to touch me yet." Ryan says with a nervous chuckle, sitting on the edge of Brendon's bed.

"It's just not a good day for me Ry."

"Then talk to me."

Brendon shakes his head again, silently begging the tears to stay inside his fucking tear ducts, but it doesn't fucking work. A tear slips out, and fuck, he doesn't cry in front of people, especially not people he wants to fuck.

Suddenly Ryan's there, wrapping his arms around Brendon tightly and pulling his face into Ryan's chest, and then it's over. He breaks out into sobs, his entire body shaking in Ryan's arms.

"I miss them so much Ry..."