Ianthony- Is this right?

Part one of part five

A/N: There shall be moar! (Mainly because of some one used a Pewdie reference and... Well... I don't like forks...) Here you go!

"Ian, I'm worried; please speak to me, honey." Your mom's voice drifts through your door, but you ignore it. The wall is currently interesting, and gives you all the peace you could ask for. You want to throw up, scream, cry, punch, kick; you need to do something. Your body disagrees, and you don't have enough energy to move. Its eight PM, and your stomach rumbles, not understanding what has happened. You ignore your hunger, though, and think over every thing.

What are you meant to think, though? It was rape, you wasn't ready, you said stop and no. You almost enjoyed it though, in the sense of it being Anthony who took it; Not a dumbass girl with a bitchy personality.

Anthony is straight, though, and that pokes your heart. You're in love with Anthony, and he likes Kalel Cullen, the beauty queen. It makes sense, in a way. Who would date you? Ian Hecox, the weird one with the bowl haircut, best friends with that hot guy. You aren't beautiful; Your ugly, and Anthony will never love you. Your eyes look like ice, sharp and ugly. Kalel's are warm and inviting. Your hair is greasy to the touch and in such a stupid hairdo.

You're revolting.

Disgusting.

Ugly.

No wonder Anthony wants Kalel; she is the exact opposite of you.

You start crying again. Its not like last time, though; this time its quiet. Your breath is shallow, and you're making sure that your doesn't hear you. Your mom is worried, obviously, and you need to talk to her. You have to talk to her. Tell her your gay.

You shuffle over to your door, and wipe your eyes. You open the door and your mother is there, arms open.

"Oh, my baby boy." She says as she hugs you, and you cry harder.

Your mom sits you down on your bed, and cuddles you. Its been years since she last did this, and you feel ten years old again.

"Ian, tell me what's got you so sad." She says, looking at you.

"Mom... You'll love me, no matter what I tell you, right?" You sound like a small child that broke a cup but you need the confirmation. You're weak and scared; something you try your hardest to never be.

"Honey, I love you, no matter what. Now tell me; Yesterday you was so happy."

"Mom... I'm- I... I like men." The word gay sounds too happy at the moment, and it sounds too modern to speak to your mom.

"Baby... Oh, Ian, I don't care." She gives you a smile. You can't help but smile back. The feeling of smiling is foreign, and it only lasts a few seconds.

"But mom..." You've done it now. You was about to tell her... You didn't even realise. You trust your mom, and It hurts to lie. And now she's looking at you so expectantly... And you don't know if you can tell her or not now. She and Anthony's mom have been friends for years, and It wouldn't be fair to end their friendship. She would be devastated, and call herself a bad mother. She would cry and hold you tight, and you'd be comforting her more then she'll be comforting you. You can't do that to her.

"Mom... I think I like Anthony." She looks at you, her mouth in a 'oh' shape.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I know Anthony is quite the ladies man." She gives you a sad smile, and you sniff.

"I just... I wish that I never realised it." You wish that last night had never of happened; Anthony never raped you, you never started thinking all of these things, you never admitted to being in love with Anthony. Life would of been normal.

"Honey, sometimes bad things have to happen before the good ones; I mean, who knows what'll happen? Maybe tomorrow Anthony will wake up and realise that he's in love with my beautiful boy." You stare at your mom, half in shock, half full of admiration.

"You're right, mom. I'm going to go to bed." She lets go of you and just before she leaves she turns to you.

"Remember, Ian, I all always love you, no matter what."

"Thank you, Mom." You reply. She closes the door and you stare at your phone. Anthony is three on your speed dial. You want to tell him you love him, Show him that can be better than Kalel; you deserve a prince, not her.

But you're afraid of him. How he's hurt you mentally and physically is terrifying. And your brain has never felt so mixed before. You hate him, you want tell him every little thing he's done to you, how he's made you feel.

'This is the voice mail service for: 'It's Anthony, sorry I can't come the phone right now; I'm probably eating pizza with Ian!' Please leave a message at the beep:'

You take a big breath and open your mouth.

"I need to talk to you as soon as possible." You say, no emotion in your voice, and then you hang up; No, 'I hate you, You did this, you raped me, I'm sorry I'm not good enough.' You feel tears stinging up again, so you jump into your bed and try to fall asleep.