Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { June } Not My Little Sister

Reviewer: june_berrin

Client: lostlovefairy

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: The title in the beginning feels a bit weird to read—the type that makes you take a double to make sure you read it right. And surprisingly, it is weirdly entangled with the whole premise of your plot, which means it does match with the story. But a romance book with such a variant title is very new, at least to me. It is unique, and if you believe that it is the one to go with, then I wouldn't force a change. The cover is pretty and screams fantasy, but with the title, it might further seem strange to most. On the bright side, this will make people notice your book and increase its exposure. And some might get intrigued and read the blurb or try out the first chapter, like I did. Other than that, the picture quality of your cover isn't exactly very good, and the layering of the couple with that city background view was not very well blended. The colors of both pictures are very different, making it seem like a collage of two rather than a fine single cover. And the title, while visible from afar and loyal to its genre, isn't very attention-grabbing or eye-catching.

❥ Blurb: The starting of the blurb follows the usual patterns of Wattpad blurbs. The character introductions, which are great as readers are immediately introduced to their character background, and the blurb also help to set the whole premise of the book and give out the gist of the plot. It has been formatted well, and I like the addition of an excerpt from the story as well.

❥ Storyline: I like how the prologue started out warm and cute. Simple yet interesting, like something you will find in your comfort book. And I was surprised to see the Malayalam words in it, but for readers who do not know this language, I would recommend writing its English translation right beside it in a bracket or at the bottom of the prologue. The ending of the prologue was humorous; I loved the portrayal of culture and felt excited to read on. In reality, I think incorporating the humor at the end of the prologue into the blurb would be a great idea, as it feels more catching and would be more unique. Especially the last two lines. I know this would mean that you would have to either rewrite to match the mood or make some major changes to it, so I am merely suggesting it. But if you decided to go with it, then I would recommend using the second part of the blurb, and just modifying the Instagram part would make a great blurb!

Reading through your first chapter, it is very clearly evident the extensive amount of research you have done or your knowledge in the medicinal field of education. You have started strong, diving right into the part specified in the blurb, as we can already start to see the plot about rolling in.

I absolutely love the way you have introduced him. For his admirable looks and his COO post, I was expecting him to live in one of these rich areas, but what came out was even better. That was just a chief's kiss. It is so different from the usual sterotylical or overused trope of the rich guy thing. And it is more in line with reality; kudos to the author.

The storyline so far, despite falling into a similar category, has been portrayed and played out in the story very realistically and perfectly! If I had a rating system like other reviewers, this would have gotten a solid 10 or more.

❥ Writing Style: The writing style tends to fluctuate a lot; other than that, I have no more comments on this part.

❥ Characters: The main character is a very strong-willed, smart, and hardworking woman who wishes to carve her own path in the future. I love how far she has come from the lisping little girl to this strong person who takes her stand and knows what is best for her. And I love how she dealt with her parents nagging to get married; her character feels mature and relatable as to how she actually thought to stay put for npw and go along with her parents, or at least pretend that show about her characters, and portrays her as an insanably likeable character so far. \

Her parents, I believe, are portrayed well; their olden ways of thinking have been subtlely added without making them look like one of those evil mothers; they are caring yet somehow bound by society and tradition, which is the reality.

I love her brother and the sweet and proactive stance that he holds while not suffocating Viniya. He is the typical modern solution to modern problems. And I like how he was the one to put the two together. He is a great character—the perfect brother that any sister could have.

Nithin started off to me as one of those typical stoic-faced males, rich and arrogant with money, that would be in dire need of humongous character development. But the Nithin that came out was a goal-oriented yet simplistic guy. He may be stoic-faced, but thankfully, he is not a complete lost cause either. He is a great man who is grateful and values friendship and bonds, and for once, I feel like this story could be one of those rare, great ones that I have read.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: The grammar is perfect, and I actually did not spot any errors other than very few and minute punctuational ones. I list out some from the blurb.

Original: "I can't, Yaya," he said in his deep voice. "Your brother's friendship means too much to me to do this." His mind was a whirlwind of emotions that threatened to cloud his judgment.
Edited: "I can't, Yaya," he said in his deep voice. "Your brother's friendship means too much to me to do this." His mind was a whirlwind of emotions that threatened to cloud his judgment.
Correction: If a dialogue is split into two by a dialogue tag and it is followed, then you should separate it using a period and not a comma.

Original: "...Engineering firm..."
Edited: "...engineering firm..."
Correction: The word 'engineer' is a common noun. It shouldn't be capitalized, even when referring to the branches of the field of engineering, such as chemical engineering, mechanical engineering, or electrical engineering.

Original: "...start up engineering firm with his own..."
Edited: "...start-up engineering firm, with his own..."

Original: They are in different chapters in the book of life.
Edited: They are in different chapters of the book of life.
Correction: Wrong preposition.

These are some examples from the blurb, and I have spotted similar mistakes in your chapters too. But, as I have already said, there are very few. No comment is to be made on the Vocabulary section.

❥ Conclusion: The story has heavy potential. And if you work on the writing style fluctuation that happens in between the stories, then I believe it would flourish a lot. I am already excited to see what you have in store for the characters. And I am sorry for the delay. After our talk, I had to make some major changes to the review and was stuck with a very busy schedule.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻