Lure - Giyuu angst

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POV: Giyuu
I woke up from my dream with tears in my eyes. This was normal, even though it wasn't, for normal people at least. Usually I'd fall asleep at 12:00, then wake up 2-3 hours from a nightmare about the past. I'd cry in my bed for an hour then get up and take a shower. But I couldn't get up. This time I couldn't stop thinking about the dream.

(The dream)

I was at my favorite place, a bit ways off from my estate. A pond with koi fish, a cherry tree, and other plants. I had heard a voice calling for me in the dream, a voice that I recognized. A voice that I missed hearing. Sabito. I looked up and saw him, but he looked mad.

"Sabito!" I shouted in what I think was happiness. I haven't been happy in a long time. He walked over to me, sitting under the tree and slapped me. He started yelling at me about how I had disappointed him, and that he should have lived and became the best hashira. And things would be better off if I had died. If I had gotten my head crushed by the hand demon. Then I woke up.

(The dream ended)

I know it was not the worst dream I had, but it was true. He should have lived and I should have died. He could have been way better than me, he'd probably get along with everyone else so much more. I was weak. I looked up at my only decoration in my room, it was his mask. Hanging on my wall.

At 5, I finally decided to get out of bed. I tiredly lifted my body to sit upwards. Carefully taking off my blanket I put my feet on the cold, dusty, floor. Standing up slowly, I got a change of clothes to go shower. I liked showering, I could cry and no one could hear me. I'd usually sit, cry, and think about Sabito, Makomo, and Tsutako for 20 minutes then actually clean my self. Like what you are supposed to do in showers.

After I got out of the shower I'd try not to look in the mirror as I put on my binder and my uniform. I walked into my room and looked next to my bed to find my mismatched haori, one side for Sabito, the other for my sister. I put it on.

I went back to the bathroom, I then looked in the mirror to see if there was any dirt in my haori. But I just looked so feminine, female, just too off.
I didn't want to look at myself any longer. I went to the kitchen and fed my crow. He was old but it felt as if he knew me. I sigh as I walk out of my estate, I follow a small path.

I walk, I look at the floor as I do so, which was kind of a bad habit. Shinobu would always pester me about it, telling me it was probably not good for my bones. As I walked I could hear my foot steps, a little crunch every time my foot hit against the rocky path. The wind blowing.

I finally arrived. my favorite spot. It was so pretty. It was a small pond with a little river, you could always hear the water move softly through the dents in the ground. Koi fish could be seen there where Lilly pads in the water as well as some other wildlife. Cattails sticking out from the side. I walked through the long grass, filled with flowers and clovers. I went up a tiny hill and sat under a weeping willow tree. I could hear birds chirping, water rushing, leaves swaying, and my own silent breathing. Tsutako would have loved it here.

I could be here all day. But only if I concentrated hard enough on my surroundings. If I thought deep enough in my own empty thoughts, which was often the case, I would become sorrowful and leave out of fear that this place would be ruined, and become somewhere that would make me sad.

(In this au hashira meetings are once a week not every 6 months like it canonly is btw, also there are less demons so less missions)

After that I'd either go to a hashira meeting or get forced into some weird hang out that the other hashira would plan. Either way I'd get bullied, bullied for being gay, god forbid they find out I'm trans, bullied for looking weird, bullied for thinking I was "better then everyone else" even though it would be better off if I was dead and many other things I'd rather not hear them or zone out. I had three main bullies Sanemi, Obanai, and shinobu. (I don't actually like mean shinobu but it's for the plot)

"This is why nobody likes you!" Shinobu would say.

"Why do you think your better then us bastard!!" Sanemi would shout. Weird thing I have really bad hearing but I'm also really sensitive to loud noises.

"Eww! You like boys! Don't try to kiss me! Bleghh!" Obanai would tease. Though he was one of the better ones. he would usually do it in secret, because he didn't want mitsuri to see him like that. All mean and stuff to me

I think most of the other hashira are decent. But I feel too scared to get attached to them, in case they all...

Die.

I arrived at the corps headquarters. I went to the back corner. My spot. I hoped that no one would bother me since I wasn't in all that sad of a mood right now. Just empty. But of course, that couldn't happen. I heard a loud voice interrupt my thoughts.

"HEY!! respond to me you dumbass!!" Sanemi, he was loud, but not the loudest. I was somewhat grateful for that. I sighed and looked up at him.

"Hi sanemi." I started blankly staring at him.

"IVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FUCKFACE! DONT ACT LIKE YOU JUST NOTICED ME HERE!!" I had gotten here kinda early so it was no one but me and him "YOUR NOT AS HIGH AND MIGHT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE!!" Sanemi kept blabbering on I tried to ignore it. But he was just really loud. I didn't cover my ears he would just get even more mad at me. I felt a pair of eyes looking at me. I looked up to see Obanai.

He was giving me an evil glare. Sanemi noticed him and stormed over to him. I could assume they were talking shit. But I couldn't really  hear them all that well. A couple other hashira walked on and it seemed like they stoped. Most of the hashira had pretty good hearing, like Giyome and Tengen. So I'd say it was smart to stop talking. To be honest they'd probably get in trouble. But I don't know, they have bullied me in front of the hashira. So I don't know if anyone really cares. What am I kidding.

All the way through the meeting I got scary looks from all three of them. Of course the master, and Giyome could see it happening to stop it. If anyone did stop it, it would probably be them. But again I don't really know Giyome that well, he just seems respectful I guess. Once the meeting was over, all the hashira stated planing to hang out. I got up to leave. Since no one would want me there anyways.

"HEY!! Where the ever living FUCK do you think you're going!!" Sanemi called out angrily. I turned around and looked at him. 

"I'm not like you guys." I watched as he got infuriated, I turned around to leave. But I heard him stomping over to me.

"SANEMI I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH!!" A loud booming voice said making me flinch. Kyojurio Rengoku. I felt as if Sanemi was kinda scared of Rengoku because whenever he told Sanemi to back off he always did. I think it was so he could appear nice. Sadly he was the loudest, it's sad because he is always trying to act as if he likes my company. But my head always says he's faking. Which is probably the case.

   I sighed and walked away. But once again I got interrupted. "Maybe it would be a good idea if you stayed a little longer tomioka!