The Survivor

Chapter 4

'If it wasn't for Blake, I would be killing myself right now. These words would be written in blood.'

I put down my pencil and stood up, leaving the paper on my desk. I sighed and looked through my clothes. I grabbed a blue ombre shawl and draped it over my shoulders, pinning it on with my eagle pin. I crawled up to the roof and just sat there, hugging my knees and staring at the city lights.

"Written in blood

My heartbeats outnumbered

Life lines slower

I could die right now

I'd be fine oh

But you're keeping me here

I'm staying for you

Hugging my knees

Watching the city

Lights," I sang, my voice cracking every now and then because of how soft I was singing.

I pushed my hair from my face and yawned. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but was epically failing. The particular part of the roof I was on was a type of awning, with steel railings. I curled up in the corner and fell asleep, searching for a reason besides Blake to live.

FLASHBACK

The sea was black, the currant fierce. I swam against the pulling currant, finally breaking the surface. I was pounded by huge, monster waves, but somehow, I survived. I remember a spotlight hitting me from a helicopter maybe three hours after the plane went down.

Those three hours were torture.

I climbed onto the door of the plane that I had pried off and had somehow floated to the surface of the water. I tugged my soaking wet indigo hoodie closer around my body, attempting to keep myself warm. When the plane crashed, I was wearing an indigo, thin, flowy tank top with a racer back, an indigo fitted camisol, a pair of matte yellow leggings that went to just below my knees, and a simple pair of indigo flats. I was smart enough to take off my shoes before I started swimming so I didn't lose them. I remember unfolding my gray fashion scarf and wrapping it around my head to keep it warm.

My hair dried within an hour and I just let it hang. I remrmber thinking I probably looked like a Middle Eastern woman, with my hair and face covered as they were with my strangely long fashion scarf. I glanced down at the ocean and saw a few pretty shells drift by. I scooped them up and found a way to tie them to a piece of brown leather cord that I had wrapped around my wrist a few times before I boarded the flight. As the hours passed, I added a chunk of a rare sea gem I later identified as cobalt blue lime.

As nightfall came, I was rescued.

That sunset was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

FLASHBACK OVER

I unconciously reached my hand to touch the necklace I've never taken off and let my fingers feel the same textures I've felt millions, probably billions, of times. I opened my eyes and saw the same clothes I was wearing the day before. I sighed and went back to my room and changed into a black tunic, a black fitted camisol, black ankle-length leggings, and black Supras. I pinned my eagle pin over my heart and looked at my necklaces in the mirror.

After Uncle Simon took me in and we retreived my dog, songbook, and guitar from home, which is all I had wanted, I refused to let him buy me any new jewelry or designer clothes like he had wanted. I filled my closet with black and other dark colors. I had three pieces of jewelry-the necklace I had made in the ocean, my pin, and the necklace Blake had given me right before the flight that would change my life. It was a silver, heart-shaped locket with a small inscription 'B & A' in fancy cursive on the front and 'Forever and Always' in fancy cursive on the back. There were two pictures inside, both of Blake and I. I remember just staring at those pictures while on the helicopter. Praise the Lord they had stayed dry and weren't wet in the slightest.

I brushed my hair and pulled it back in a loose English braid. I did my makeup as I usually do and tucked my necklaces under my shirt.

All I let Uncle Si buy for me is the nessessities, basically. He gave me a credit card, though. I also have a wallet full of cash, in case I need it. I splurge only every once in a while to get a ton of new songs on iTunes, or my recording equiptment. My songbook is a purple spiral notebook and all my pencils are quite stubby with flat or near flat erasers, but I don't really care. My songbook had tons of lyrics and notes, several songs, and several loose pieces of sheet music within its covers.

That's how I was all through school, though. Chewed, dull, stubby pencils with, at the most, almost flat erasers and spiral notebooks that are tattered and are barely held together by the spiral, which was more like a wire that bent a bit at places. My backpack had doodles all over it and frayed pieces of fabric, and I only used one strap at a time. I didn't even bother with a folder, I just shoved everything between the covers of my notebook. It was weird, though. I guess it was just the way I was to be so careless about that stuff, because we were very wealthy. We lived in a huge mansion, but I lived as much like a normal kid as possible.

Swimming was the only thing I cared about.

After the crash, I shut myself out as much as possible. When I was playing my guitar or singing and when I was swimming were the only times the old me ever, and I mean EVER showed herself. Blake's the only one I'm always myself around because he gets me. He understands why I built so many walls after the crash, why I shut everyone but him out. Why I'll never be quite the same as I was before, even if someone DID manage to tear down those walls.

Liam's already seen through a crack in those walls, a crack I filled immediately after he caught a glimpse of the other side.

I miss not being on guard 24/7. I miss not having walls built around me, thirty feet high and fifteen feet thick. I miss not having flashbacks.

But it helps me remember.

And sometimes...forgetting hurts worse than the memories.