Sturniolo oneshots! (no longer being written for)

no escape

chris felt as if he'd never experience being happy again, the word an empty hole inside his gut that slowly tore open more each dreaded opening of his eyes every morning. the physical exhaustion he felt every morning, finding his ability of still being concious, filling inside his body as simple as water filling an empty jug. he didnt want to be empty and filled with exhaustion.

the fucking word that everyone explained to be the best thing on earth, heavens place on earth, was torn so easily from him, left his mind to its feeble attempts of retrieving the word and becoming it. why was he deprived of 'happy'? what did he do to deserve this?

he didnt want this. he didnt want to dread having to get out of bed every morning, he didnt want to have to keep biting back the tears he felt pooling his waterline every morning. he didnt want to huff a large breath with even moving his position on his bed, seeking the comfort his mind couldnt withhold. even the thought of getting out of bed, and leaving to do an activity he used to enjoy put his mind on edge. why couldnt he get out of bed without putting up a fight?

he reminisced in the memories of the activities he used to do with a stupid grin on his face, a grin that pained his cheeks. not pained from the amount of crying he did. the pain in his gut being from laughing too hard was only a memory he could wish for but never recieve, why is it now hurting from the thought of getting out of bed to do something, anything. why was he like this?

his brothers begging, pleas and even their shed tears did little to convince him to satisfy the angry demanding growl of his stomach, desperate for food. but even the mere sight of food brought tears to his eyes and a gag at the back of his throat. he wanted to eat, but couldnt. he didnt want to be this way.

he didnt want to have to tell his brothers 'no' everytime they asked, even begged for him to take a small spoonful of food. always being given the same reply, the same reply that never failed to bring tears to their eyes and a strike of pain to their chest. a sickening pain they could never escape, maybe until chris voluntarily came out of his room with a hopeful radiance. maybe that would be the key to escape. he didnt want to have to seek an escape.

on the rare occasion chris came out of his room, nicks facial expression scrunched in sympathy, and a whirlwind of emotioms crushed over matt. a whirlwind of emotions chris wished they never even had to think of.

chris' eyes were sunken in, lips chapped and as pale as his food deprived skin, his hair always a mess, an absolute nightmare to even try and comb through. his entire figure sickly skinny. but most importantly, matt—anyone—could tell how not okay he was, how utterly depressed he was. even with his pathetic attempt at convincing everyone that he is "okay" and not praying to god everynight that it gets better. that god will somehow take his hand and lead him out of the four white walls, dimmed light and screaming thoughts keeping him captive from his own escape.

but, even with his tries, hes well aware everyone knows hes not okay. especially matt and nick. they were the first to notice, and always will be.

they were the first to notice chris' smiles slowly subtracting each day, his usually radiant, sun filled energy beginning to fade into nothingness. even the simple gleam in his eyes darkening—they noticed, of course they did. the writhing pain chris only experienced in the depths of his mind, nick and matt felt in their entire being. it was of to no one what chris experienced, except his brothers. when it all first began, nick and matt could see it in chris' slowed energy.

one of the biggest signs he gave off, was the drastic change of sleeping in his room everynight. the cold pricking chris' skin from not having another body beside him was the only thing he felt other than the tiredness coursing through him, and he wasnt up to giving it up yet. sleeping in his brothers rooms didnt give him the cold shivers he so utterly wanted, and again, he wasnt ready to leave the only thing he felt yet.

matts own sleep began taunting him, taunting him of the fact chris wasnt beside him, warming his shivering frame, the same cold that chris seemed desperate to experience, too attatched to let go.

matts attempts at keeping himself warm became desperate, two blankets turned into three, then four—then matt had enough.

he wanted his brother back. he wanted the familar laughter echoing across the house, he wanted his comforting embrace around his body and muffled giggles in the pocket of his shoulder. what he once told he didnt want, but now craved for, was going to be his to call comforting again.

matt stood out of bed, pushing off his nth blankets off his body and walking quick, watching his feet as they desperately walked the memorized path to chris' room, the room he hadnt been so desperate to get to in weeks.

his footsteps stopped abruptly at the door, where matt second thought this entire thing. what if chris didnt want to be bothered? what if he walked in on the wrong time?
what if— he cut himself off with his hand going to twist the knob quickly, shoving the door open and quickly closing it behind himself.

his eyes frantic as they searched across the room for his chris. finding him in no other place but laying flat on his back, in starfish pose with no blankets, goosebumps covered all across his pale skin.

"chris?" matts shakey voice rang through the freezing air. his voice only a whisper in chris' far long gone head. a cry for chris in chris' tear filled ocean. a yearn in chris' longing for his joyfilled self.

a sob broke throughout the tension filled air, matts chest moved rapidly as tears streamed down his face, his shoulders rising up and down, syncing with the rise of his chest.

"please chris," he begged, crawling onto chris' bed, wrapping himself around chris, shoving his face into the crook of his neck, his arms locked around his torso and his legs intertwined with chris'.

a shiver ran up chris' spine at the sudden warmth, though, it silenced his overwhelming thoughts. the arms around his feeble body brought the comfort he prayed for everynight.

chris bit back his own sob, returning the same comfort matt brought him, curling into matt.

matts embrace was like the key chris had been seeking for ever since he'd been locked in the four white walls he'd called 'his mind'. the mind that turned on him so suddenly. but thats okay, because matt was here. matt was here to bring him out of his mind, and bring him into the comforting warmth of being okay for a second.

"its gonna be okay, chris."