When in Vegas - lestappen - Max x Charles

6. I wish I'd known how much you loved me

* tw panic attacks + slur *

Max pov

I can't believe Daniel. I love him, he's like my big brother. But come on. He needs to stop butting in.

He knows that my relationship with Charles is complicated.

"Max did you hear what I said?" Checo shakes my shoulder. I'm thinking to much about Charles. I need to focus.

"Uh no I was kind of distracted, sorry Checo." I respond trying to get my media duties over with so that I could go back to my room.

The stupid reporters can be so overbearing and obnoxious as hell.

"Max, buddy are you listening to me?" Checo asks me for the second time.

"No I'm sorry Checo. Can you repeat that?" I make sure to look at him this time I don't want to get distracted.

"Look I just want you to know that your a good friend and teammate. And I want you to feel comfortable and safe around me. I am super cool if you aren't an in the box man. Do you kinda get what I'm saying?" Checo looks up to meet my eyes, trying to give me a comforting  smile.

I take a moment to take in what he said. Does he know I'm not straight? I start to slightly panic. My chest hurts and my throat feels like it's closing up. I need to get away. I need to leave.

I mange to let out a little thank you to Checo. As I start running back to my hotel room. My heart is pounding. Breathing is so hard. I need to breathe.

Somehow I make it back to the hotel. I can't take the elevator, it will make my attack worse. I barely mange to make it up the first flight of stairs. I feel light headed, I'm not breathing right. I'm going to pass out. But I can't here. I can't let anyone see me.

Finally I made it too the fifth floor. Swiping my key card I slam the door. Falling to the floor, I try to finally catch my breath.

"Max are you back already?" Oh shit don't tell me he's here. No,no,no,no, he can't know. He can't see me like this.

"Max?" Charles asks again. I can hear his voice getting closer to me.

"Oh my god Max. It's ok look at me." Charles grabs my hand and places it on his chest. He takes a deep.

"Just follow me it's ok breathe in breathe out. Just like that, good job Maxie. You're ok, you're going to be ok." He keeps breathing in and out. Rubbing small circles on my back with one hand while the other holds my hand against his chest.

I can feel myself finally getting some air. I take in a deep breath as I continue to follow Charlie's example.

"Thank you." I let out after a few minutes.

I meet his eyes. A stunning sea green, so beautiful. They seem to be filled with compassion.

"Let's move to your room?" He asks gently.

I nod my head. Charles helps stand me up. Still holding my had he leads me to our room. I really don't want to tell him. But something in me is pushing me to tell him. How can I trust him when I don't truly know him. Still I open my mouth to explain everything.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see this. I promise it won't happen again. I'm sorry." I can feel tears starting to form. Why am I getting choked up? I try to get away from him but my body isn't working.

"It's ok I have them too, there's no need to be ashamed. We have a stressful job, and personal issues." Charles smiles as we sit down on the bed.

I look at the floor. I don't want to cry. I can't be seen crying. He's going to think I'm weak.

My father's words keep repeating in my head. 'Get a hold of yourself. You're never going to be anything. You're a useless, good for nothing son. The only thing you'll be is a garbage boy. Men don't cry. Men don't have "panic attacks. " My son isn't a weakling. My son isn't a sissy.' My Dads words are getting even louder. It's getting hard to breathe all over again.

"Max, what's going on look at me. Mon amour look at me. Breathe." Charles kneels on the floor and grabs both of my hands. He looks me in the eyes. My tears are flowing freely now. I'm a fuck up. A mistake.

Before I can say anything more Charles hugs me. A tight bear hug. As he whispers reassures in my ear my body starts to relax. I return the hug. Getting a wiff of his cologne, I melt further into his arms.

"Thank you." Is all I can say over and over. Just thank you. As he rocks our bodies in a comforting manner.

"C'est bon bèbè." Charles whispers in French. I guess he forgot we both live in Monaco where they speak French. I may not be fluent but I've picked up enough to get by.

"What does that mean Charlie?"Sniffing I ask him what he means, even though I know what he said. It's just like when Carlos calls Lando cariño.

"Well it just mean that your going to be ok, that's all." He responds quickly breaking eye contact.

"Then why call me baby?" I say smiling as I wipe my tears.

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