The Guardian & His Ward: An AlanGaipa Story

Navigating New Boundaries

Alan took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. He gently placed his hands on Gaipa's shoulders, looking into his eyes. "Gaipa, I am so sorry but we can't do this. This doesn't seem right."

At first, Gaipa looked bewildered, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. It took him so much courage to kiss Alan finally. He had started to feel something for the older man almost immediately when they began to spend time together but he had patiently let time take its course. Today though he didn't know what got into him. It must be that he realized that he should have the courage to pursue what he wanted. But it seems now that Gaipa is wrong about everything. Alan must have just been nice to him because he is his ward. Gaipa felt like he could die of embarrassment. He quickly looked down, his face still flushed. He softly whispered, "I understand, Alan. I didn't mean to make things awkward between us."

Alan led Gaipa into the apartment, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Once inside, he motioned for Gaipa to sit on the couch. He took a seat across from him, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Gaipa," Alan began, his voice gentle but firm, "I care about you a lot. But we need to be careful. Our relationship is that of a guardian and ward, and I don't want to take advantage of you. I can't think of any legal repercussions but society will frown upon this and what about everyone around you? Wouldn't your friends think that I am taking advantage of you? I don't want to do that to you. You are very precious to me Gai. But... we need to keep a line between us or I would feel like the crappiest guardian ever. I'm... I... Oh God!" Alan wiped his face as if by doing so his mind would clear and he could let the shorter man understand without hurting him.

Gaipa looked up, his eyes filled with a mix of emotions. "I know, Alan. I know you will never take advantage of me. I trust you as my mom trusted you. I... I care about you too. but more than just a guardian."

Alan's heart ached at Gaipa's words, torn between his growing feelings and his sense of responsibility. "I feel the same way, Gaipa. But we need to take this slow. We need to make sure we're both ready for this. Let's not rush into this, okay? Can we take it slow? I don't want to disappoint your mother. She believed I would do what's best for you and I want to honor her."

Gaipa nodded, his expression thoughtful and still a little embarrassed. "I understand. I'm willing to wait. I just don't want to lose you. I guess seeing Jim again reminded me that keeping my feelings inside just ended up breaking my heart. I don't want to make the same mistake Alan."

Alan smiled, feeling a surge of affection for the younger man. "You won't lose me, Gaipa. We'll figure this out together."

Trying to cut the tension and the awkwardness, Alan gently teased the boy, "was that your first kiss?"

When the color of Gaipa's cheek deepened Alan realized he was spot on. This innocent boy had never had a relationship before and that's another reason why he should not give in to his feelings no matter how much he wants to right now. He has to make sure the boy is certain that a relationship with him is what he wants. He doesn't think he will survive another round of his lover waking up one day realizing he was too boring for him and leaving him for someone more interesting. Gaipa is young after all. What if he will fall in love with someone his age? God he wanted to kiss Gaipa breathless right now but he forced himself to get up and as normally as he could, say goodbye to him and went back to his own apartment.

*****

A few days later, Alan and Gaipa prepared to head to Leng and Prew's house for their daughter's birthday celebration. He felt a mix of nostalgia and happiness as they approached the familiar front door. The house, now filled with the laughter and joy of a young family, brought back fond memories of the time when he, his mother, and his father were still together here. For the first time, the house doesn't cause him pain, it makes him thankful for the wonderful years he had with his loving parents despite how short it was that they were complete. He was glad Leng and his little family were making this house a home again.