𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐞 | 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 #𝟏

CHAPTER 6: Clockwork

Matthew

Like clockwork, my eyes fly open at 3:30 am on the dot, bringing me back to the real world. I am unable to decide whether that's a blessing or a curse. I step out of bed and head to the restroom to begin my routine: brush, face, and shower. As I brush my teeth, I look into the mirror at the verdant eyes staring back at me, disheveled hair, eye bags, and the faded scars painting my body, filthy. Once I finish my shower, I pull on a pair of gray sweatpants and a black shirt, then head to the kitchen. After having two walls knocked down I was able to include a living room and kitchen into my dorm room, which is much more convenient.

I see Eve sprawled out on the couch in the living room, the sun illuminating her black fur. She lets out a purr before stalking towards me. I grab both of us breakfast, a granola bar for me, cat food for her. Once finished, I pet her goodbye and take the elevator downstairs to begin my run. It is forbidden for anyone to leave campus without permission, but I doubt those rules stand for me.

All I can think about now is her, which defeats the whole purpose of a run. When I first saw her at the airport, I truly did try to convince myself that I was hallucinating. I had been forced to fly commercially because of difficulties with my plane, but in all honesty, I did not mind. I enjoyed observing people, and the airport was the perfect place to do so, as long as I blended in well enough. I was surveying the area when suddenly someone stopped directly in front of me, forcing me to slam into them which in turn made them fall, an absolute idiot. I had prepared insults to hurl until they turned around, and I was facing what I had been running from for the past 4 years. I stared into her eyes, looking to say something, anything, when suddenly she turned around and raced away, throwing me a nasty look in the process. Of course, things were still the same; I was nobody to her.

I turn the music playing from my earbuds to the highest volume. I did not have a direct route in my mind that I wanted to take but I ended up at the house. I slow to a walk and make my way to the door before entering. I know if any of the others people at camp were offered the opportunity to stay here instead of those 100-year-old dorms they would do it in a heartbeat, but I would never willing live in this house. Instead, I open it up to the brainless kids whose idea of a good night is to get drunk and trash someone else property.

As I drag my hand across the wall dust paints my fingers, a reminder of the absence of life. I open the door to my room and stand there taking in all of the emotions. My thoughts soon become consumed by memories of the party. Her big brown doe eyes gave off every emotion she was feeling, the way her braids swayed with her every move while she was dancing, her sweet laugh that would make the grouchiest man smile.

Speaking to her.

I walk over to my bed and lie down with my arms crossed against my chest. She had laid inside this very bed. I place my head onto the pillow and stay there, replaying all the moments last night of when she looked up at me, and for the first time in years, those eyes were not filled with hatred. She was also extremely drunk. I jump up and try to shake off whatever grasp Alexandra Musa manages to have on me. I refuse to do this again.

My mind shifts to the morning after the party where things went completely south. Her presence overwhelmed me, all of the feelings I swore I put to rest years ago came shooting back up and I could not control myself. The look of hatred that filled her face as tears formed is all I have been able to think about. I was disgusted with myself, but it is not like that moment changed the way she views me. The enmity will always remain the same. 

My only fear is that when this whole thing goes up in flames, she will end up getting burned.

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