If The Stars Could Kiss (All of Yours Perfects)

The stargazer and the model, -AW.

I'd come on the train after a long plane ride from Connecticut to visit Éris. We'd been friends for several years, but it was a long distance relationship. He resided in London and had a fear of traveling and I lived with my now ex boyfriend, Jamie, in Connecticut. But since mine and Jamie's break up, my letters and brief phone calls with Éris became a longing. I needed to see my friend face to face. I needed to talk to him and find that familiar comfort I always had when I was in his presence.

So I hopped on a plane and headed to London. I felt as if I would never get there, the ride so long I feared my ass would become a part of the seat.

But in the end, I survived. Somehow.

And then suddenly I was with him in the restaurant I'd instructed him to reserve. I'd made sure to remind him every time we found the chance to call. It wasn't that Éris was dumb, he was just easily distracted. And he forgot things too quickly. I didn't mind this, it was a trait of his that most might find annoying or frustrating but i found adorably amusing. Because when he realized he'd forgotten something, he'd apologize like he'd done something so wrong he couldn't be forgiven.

Although i did find his frantic apologies amusing, at the same time i worried about that. It wasn't normal to apologize so much or so frequently. He even apologized he was not even at fault.

I always made sure to assure him I would never be so easily angry at him or forgetting such minuscule things or insist something he was sorry for was not something he should be sorry for.

He was apologizing to me as he drove us to the restaurant that night. He was supposed to pick me up from the train station, but had gotten sidetracked.

Honestly, i had expected him to forget and had not even thought about it when i called for a taxi. I wasn't upset and i tried t tell him that.

'Éris— I understand. Please, stop apologizing." I repeated but he kept doing so until I changed the subject, asking if he'd seen his family recently.

He shook his head. "Too busy." He said and I believed that, but I also know he wouldn't drive the three hours to where they lived. Or take a train.

I sighed. 'Éris, it was years ago. Seven to be exact. You can't keep be fearful of something you'll have to face again one day."

I watched his face pale, eyes darting to the rearview mirror before returning to the road, knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel.

"I know."

That was all he said. That was all he ever said when I tried to have that conversation with him. I couldn't pry any other response out of him no matter how hard I tried.

I won't lie and say sometimes he did not frustrate me. Sometimes his way of living or dealing with things was not as satisfactory to me. Sometimes I wanted to grab his shoulders and tell him he had to move on from some things and change in some ways.

But I would not. Because I knew him and I knew why he was the way he was. And I refused to be like all the other people in his life. I would never treat him the way he had been treated.

He trusted me. And I would not take that for granted.

So I kept quiet the rest of the ride until he pulled the car into the restaurant's lot. Ever the gentleman, he walked around and opened the door for me, helping me out. And when he looked at me he smiled fondly.

And I smiled back.

—————

Éris had a fascination with stars since before I met him.

That's made me fall in love with him. A mindless girl crush that made me so blind to the obvious signs he did not feel the same. But even after my foolish feelings for him disappeared, a close knit friendship remained. And I was happy to spend hours listening to him talk about his passions and what each constellation meant, what their backstory was, what story they told. In a way, it told me  his story.