Painful Reminders

Chapter Fourteen: Repercussions

A/N: After reviewing my earlier chapters, I realized that I threw in quite a few 'A' names. In the light of this, Andrew's name has been changed to Zeke, so if you started reading before I was able to update all the earlier chapters, I apologize for the confusion. Comments and votes are appreciated!

I woke up feeling worse than I had when I'd gone to sleep. We were on day three of the barricade and everything but the peanuts were long gone. Opening my eyes, I stared up at the ceiling, replaying the visions— because that's what they were, weren't they? They could hardly be considered dreams— in my head and wondering what it all meant. The silence was broken by the aggressive rumbling of my stomach, and I rolled to my side to peer at the time on my laptop. Just before sunset, which meant I'd been asleep for about six hours.

Scooting toward the edge of the mattress, I eased myself up onto my feet and moved to the bathroom. Since I couldn't remember the last time I'd showered, I moved over to the tub and began messing with the faucet handles until I could get the temperature just right and leaning over to plug up the drain. Moving back into the bedroom as the water began to fill, I turned the volume on my laptop up as high as it would go as I carried it into the bathroom with me and played my music on shuffle. Setting it on the lid of the toilet, I closed the bathroom door and I pulled my shirt up over my head before shimmying out of my pants as well.

Slipping into the water, I settled into the tub, leaning my head back to rest on the lip and closing my eyes. If I concentrated hard enough on something else, I could almost forget the hunger.

These visions were clearly not going anywhere, and now was as good a time as any to consider what it all meant. Everything I'd seen so far was either from the past or conversations with the dead, but could I see more? Did I want to see more? Even with what I'd seen so far, it wasn't like I really knew what the connections were.

I thought I heard a muffled thud over the music and through the bathroom door, and I sat up a little, opening my eyes and twisting to look at the door curiously. Not hearing anything else, I settled back again, closing my eyes and returning to my thoughts. It wasn't as if they could get through the door anyway.

My mind began to drift and the image of my drunken mother came to mind. She wouldn't have been much older than I was now. Judging from the interaction between her and Grandpa, I wouldn't have been much older than two and my dad had died recently.

He's gone and I can't breathe.

She'd loved him so much, even though he never loved her the same. He tried.

Love hardly seemed worth it when they only ever left you in the end. Allowing myself to slide down, I felt the water coming up over my head and I imagined my hair spreading out in soft tendrils all around me. The ones who died were lucky. They weren't forced to live with the pain of being left behind. Submerged, I could almost imagine the peace at the end; the simplicity of nothing.

***

She'd been in her room without food for three days. On edge and fed up, I stood in front of her room with Zeke behind me holding a circular saw. Andrea currently had everyone one else distracted on the other side of the building in a meeting to go over packs in our area to be concerned about. Knocking one last time, I called to her through the door, "Amya, this is your last opportunity to be reasonable. What happens next will be completely out of your control." After a few minutes, I met Zeke gaze and gave a slight nod before stepping out of the way and allowing him to cut through the wood.

I had told myself repeatedly over the last few days that my priority was the safety of my people and not her well-being, but I'd woken tonight from a dream of her dead on the other side of the door and found that that wasn't a future I was interested in.