Walls

It's not that she didn't want to open up to him, she physically couldn't. The walls she had built were so high, and so thick, that there was no way out, no matter how much she wanted him. She was trapped in her mind, desperately trying to express her feelings to him but each time being unable to do so. She wanted to give herself to him, everything she had. The only problem, was that while she did keep everyone out, she also kept herself in.

Demi

I woke up next to Wilmer and studied his face for a few minutes. Last night we had a huge fight, and I'm not sure if he would be over it when he wakes up. It was about the usual, me being unable to tell him I loved him. Of course I love him, I love him more than anything in the world. The only issue? Saying it out loud. I couldn't open up to him about my feelings to him without letting him tear down the walls I'd spent so long building up around me. Sure treatment had helped, and somehow my therapist is able to work around them magically, but the second Wilmer looked at me with those brown eyes I retreated further into myself.

I sighed, finally ready to face the music, and leaned in, pressing my lips to his gently. I felt him wake up underneath me and for a second he kissed back, then was unresponsive. I pulled away and looked him in the eyes, stroking my fingers down his jawline.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out.

"Anything else?" He murmured, looking up at me with an annoyed expression.

I kissed his chest, then his lips, "I just... I can't. I'm sorry."

He sat up and rolled his eyes, "Of course not. Sorry, why do I bother asking?"

I flinched and sighed, "Right. Well, I'm going to work. I'll see you later tonight."

I was barely able to take two steps before he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly, "I'm sorry." He whispered, "I'm being an ass. I understand, it's just frustrating because I love you so much and I can feel that you love me too, I just want to hear you say it and be able to kiss you after and know that for sure, you love me."

I caressed his cheek and leaned my forehead against his, "I do... And you know it. I just, I don't know I can't physically say it. I promise I'm trying and I'm working on it in therapy I just don't want you to feel like you love me more because I promise you, you don't. I'm trying here."

He nodded and kissed me lightly, "I know you are. I'm sorry."

I shook my head and smiled, "It's okay baby. I know it's hard. I'm hard to love."

Wilmer chuckled and his hand spread over my cheek, "Nena, loving you is one of the easiest things I've ever done. I don't even have to try, it just comes naturally. I think of you all the time no matter what I'm doing. Loving you is easy. It's the thing that keeps me grounded, and lifts me up."

I sighed and shook my head, "No it's not. I'm moody and erratic and I push you away when I get scared instead of communicating with you. I'm impossible. Something about me is easy, or simple. It doesn't keep us grounded, it's a tornado that destroys everything in it's path."

He cocked his head, "I'll have to disagree there... You can't control your mood swings and you're always actively trying to get them under control. I get scared too, and I push you away instead of sitting down and talking about it. You're not impossible, because if that were the case I wouldn't be standing here telling you that I'm completely and utterly in love with you. You're right about one thing though, you're not simple; you're one of the most complex persons on the planet. But you know what? I love that. I love your weird crying fits and how you shove me off the bed when I try and hold you. I love your angry irrational thoughts. I love your mind and how it works even if you don't love yourself sometimes. I love you even when you push me away and don't talk to me for days. I love you when you pull me so close it feels like you're never going to let me leave your sight. I love that you are the strongest person I have ever met in my entire life. I love that somewhere in this crazy world I was able to find you. You're caring, and genuine. Last month you cried for two hours straight when you hit a squirrel in the road. Your heart is huge, and it is full of love. You see the good in people and help me to do the same when I find myself judging them. Seriously Demi, when I say I love you, I mean it with everything inside of me. I don't care that you can't say it. Because you know what? I can feel it radiating off of you when you cry because you know how it frustrates me. I can feel that you love me because you own my heart and I wouldn't just give it away to someone who didn't. But you? God Demi I threw it at you. Take it, take my entire heart because I only want you, forever."

Tears were spilling down my cheeks and when he finished, breathing heavily, I felt some kind of weight lift off of my shoulders. I smiled at him and let out a small sob, pulling his face to mine so I could kiss him passionately.

"Will?"

"Mmm?" He murmured against my lips.

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, stroking his cheek gently.

"I love you too."

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-Rachel