Restraint

Chapter 1

It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I wasn't supposed to be here rotting away, I am confident my clock is still ticking for me...right? As far as I know time has been irrelevant, it has always been irrelevant at least that is what aunt used to tell me. Time was just a ticking bomb until your final breath. Not me sitting here with no one to talk to, no one to look at besides the bare walls morphing together creating a white canvas... I have never been fond of the color white. White for me was a never ending void similar to an infinite black void, however the only difference between the two was that the comfort of a black void was more welcoming than a white void. There is something different about this white canvas, why is there Red when I have not made a single movement? I wanna scream I wanna run but these restraints are getting tighter and tighter the more I struggle to regain my freedom. Do I continue struggling or accept my defeat and accept I will never have a picket fence with my future dear husband? I won't get to have my  future children run around with the future dog or for me to have the responsibility to care for another life that isn't my own. The more I think of that day the more I wonder if I could have changed anything so I wouldn't be stuck here. Deep in my thoughts waiting for the clock to start ticking. My indication that my time is finally continuing. Why do I suddenly see fire?