Loving Dallas

Chapter One

My gaze is trapped in space as my brother and I stand in the school supply isle at the small grocery store in our town. He's complaining about my teachers demanding Ticonderoga pencils instead of the cheaper, regular ones.

But my head is elsewhere. It's always elsewhere these days.

I'm starting my senior year in a week, I was so excited for this big chapter of my life no more than 4 months ago. This summer has absolutely changed everything in the worst ways possible.

"Dallas-" Mason snapped me back to my hazy reality for a moment, "Did you want a blue binder or a pink one?" I blinked at him. It's only been a couple months yet he acts like nothing happened. I could almost say he's been his normal self if it weren't for the unnatural parental role he has taken on when it comes to me. "Blue, I guess." The words fall from my mouth as I feel my subconscious drift back towards space.

Going school shopping with Mason was strange. We didn't even do this together before he went to college. I would always go with mom while he would rather party his day away with his best friend, Carson.

Mason didn't really care for family bonding before the accident. Now, it's all he wants to do. I suppose we switched places.

"Carson was planning to have a couple people over tonight. Kind of like an end of summer celebration." Mason said over his shoulder as he placed a stack of composition notebooks into our cart. I perked up at that.

"You guys are throwing a party?" This would be the perfect excuse for me to get wasted. I know it's the worst way to grieve but drinking away the memory of my summer and the loss of my parents seemed irresistible to me. "I thought it would be good for us to try and become social again. We really haven't been around anyone other than Carson since the funer-"

"Yeah, yeah. I heard what Veronica said." I cut him off. I hate talking about the hard stuff with him. We were never good at serious conversations. Mason shot me a concerned look but thankfully stopped spewing my therapist's propaganda and began pushing the cart towards the liquor isle.

—

I pushed open Carson's front door and carefully set a grocery bag on the dining room table. "You shouldn't be carrying anything more than 10 pounds" A husky voice caused me to jump. I whipped around to find my brother's best friend taking the last couple steps down the stairs. Old Dallas would have been a drooling mess over the sight of him; his dark hair was messily hanging in his tired face and he towered over her completely shirtless as his grey sweatpants hung low on his hips.

Throughout the many years of Mason and his friendship, I have gone through phases of either being totally in love with or absolutely despising Carson. It was never anything serious, I've known him since first grade and I've had a lot of crushes throughout the years. Liking your older brother's best friend is so cliché, but I couldn't help it. When he was nice to me, I found myself daydreaming and doodling portraits of him in my sketchbook but on more often occasions where he was rude or dismissive towards me, I would deface the portraits and the thought of him would make me gag.

Though in recent months, our dynamic has changed far more than I've ever been used to. Which is a constant theme. After the accident, Mason had to sell our childhood home and move us into Carson's in order to put enough money away for us to survive and continue school. Within weeks my brother and his friend seemed to be replaced by two controlling father figures.

"It's not that heavy. Mason just sent me inside to get you." I explained.

"It looks heavier than you should be carrying." He huffed as he pulled a gallon of milk from the bag. Old Dallas would be over the moon that he was so concerned about me but the new me was annoyed. Everyone was so concerned about me. It wasn't romantic, it was pitiful.