The Dark Alpha: Old Blood

Chapter 22: Distance

The idea of having a baby alone, giving birth alone, raising it alone—all without Theo—has scared me since I knew I could get pregnant. When Corrine's mate died, Alexa and Theo were luckily grown. Corrine didn't have to feed them and wash them and rock them and change them all while her heart was torn in half, gaping open. No amount of self-reflection and growth will change the fact that I don't want to do any of it without him.

Accidents are one thing, but willingly putting his life on the line when he didn't have to, for pride...

I stare at myself in the mirror upon waking up. Theo respected my request and didn't come to bed last night; it was lonely without him, but I had plenty of time to think as I wanted, and his words repeated in an endless cycle as I did so.

...put your title before yourself...I die, you carry on...you raise him without me for the pack...toughen up...accept the world for what it truly is...

I don't want a son anymore. If Rosa tells me I'm having one, I fear Theo will feel no need to hold back at all, and the worst parts of his demands will come true. However—boy or girl—it's in the Goddess' hands. I can only influence what's in my control, and at first, I was too angry to consider Theo's words as anything more than insults. Only after my tears dried up was I able to think differently about the things he said.

As a result, I got vengeful. If he thinks I'm too soft, too naive, too selfish, then I'll show him exactly how wrong he is. I'll become not only the perfect Luna, but Draven's perfect Luna. But not even my craving for revenge lasted throughout the night, so I woke up, stared at the ceiling just as I did when I fell asleep, and all I felt was empty.

There are no more waves of anger or surges of heartache to thrust me in one direction or another. There's only reality—the unsympathetic, callous reality Theo wants me in—and now I'm in it. We're at war. Theo might die. What do I do about it?

I turn away from the bathroom mirror. Answers have yet to come to me, so I do what I have to do in the meantime. I have breakfast while Amy polishes the silverware. We talk about basic things like her family, her life at Draven, and her mate. When Maude comes, I work on preparations for tomorrow's volunteer gift-making with her, mentioning nothing about Theo shifting or what he said to me, which makes work much easier. We're done early, and Maude even comments on my impeccable focus. I shrug and accredit it to the loads of sleep I got yesterday. Really, I have to fixate on my projects or I'll revert to thoughts about Theo.

Maude leaves followed shortly by Amy. I head to the bedroom to shower for dinner—Elise will be showing up soon, therefore Theo is due to as well, but again, I can't stall on that thought. Whenever he starts to encroach on my mental process, I notice my body moves faster as though I'm creating physical distance between the two. Suddenly I'm bouncing from one step to the next, racing from the hall to the bedroom to the bathroom. And then I hear it—the door, and I jolt when it shuts.

I freeze like a deer on unclaimed land and listen for footsteps: one, two, three, four. He's entering the hall. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. I cease counting once I realize he's coming upstairs. Before I can decide whether to jump in the shower quickly in an attempt to deter him, he's entering the bedroom. I spin and face the mirror. My hand just grabs my hairbrush as he steps into the bathroom doorway.

"I'll be sleeping in my bed tonight," Theo says, so I look at him. His shoulder is bandaged again.

"Fine," I say, more hushed than I thought I would sound.

He seems so normal. Nothing about him has changed even though I feel like I've shed my whole skin.

"You won't be sleeping in a guest room."