What is this feeling?

Part 1- What happened to you?

this is sort of an intoduction to my story. forgive me for any incorrect spelling or word choice, i am pretty young soo..

anyways please enjoy this small intro to the series :]

Have you ever felt guilty for feelings you possess? Have you ever not liked the fact you felt a certain way about something? Feeling like that emotion you felt wasn't... necessary or ok?

I for once, have. Although I shouldn't feel.. Anything

November 1, 2009/ 2:30am

"Push, Push! You're almost there sweetie!" Yelled the nurse.

"AGHH! Oh my gosh! Pah! Ahh.. hugghh... Ohh baby~" said my mother as she finally gave birth to me, her name is Anice (A-niece).

My mother gave birth to me in an ambulance because the doctors couldn't make it in time for my mother to give birth to me in the hospital. But there was something wrong with me, i wasn't crying like how other babies would when they're born, i wasn't even laughing.

My face was stone cold. My brother Lance, who died 2 years before I was born, was a normal baby, with normal emotions. But as he got older, he grew colder.. And less.. alive. That is why my parents decided to call me..

"You are just like your brother.." my mother said crying, "i will call you.. Lance. Just like your brother."

When they arrived at the hospital, the doctors rushed to run tests on me to find out what was going on. At first, they believed I had Birth asphyxia, a lack of oxygen that can be caused by complications like placental insufficiency, But that was not it.

I have Alexithymia, it means I can't feel emotions... or so I thought.

July 17, 2024

Fifteen years have passed since the day of my actual birth, my sixteenth birthday will be a few months into the start of school. It is currently summer and I have no friends to spend it with.

Nobody likes approaching me due to the fact I'm always "stone cold", I don't blame them.. It's true. People call me a sociopath, a lunatic, and the closest thing to the truth, emotionless.

I don't mind, I'm used to it after all. People always ask me the same question over and over and over again, "what happened to you?" they believe i've experienced something traumatic and that is why i'm so "faceless", as i told you already that is not the case. I remain an outcast because of something I cannot control. Except last school year, the strangest thing happened to me... I smiled, only it wasn't a "fake smile", it was real. I could tell you why I smiled, but only if you promise not to tell... yeah? Alright.. I killed someone.